What Happened
My son had just broken off a very unstable relationship with his girlfriend of three years when she informed him she was pregnant. My son, who is 36, was a skipper on a fishing boat and spent up to 25 days at a time out at sea. K (his ex-girlfriend) is 22 years old, already has two young children (who are in foster care), and has a history of drug abuse. When our granddaughter Katelyn was born, K abandoned her twice in the first five months of her life. When she was six months old, my son and I received joint custody of her pending a final hearing. It was at this stage we were told that my son was not the biological father!
How I Coped
Katelyn came to live with my husband and I in Cape Town when she was six months old. Both my son and her mother live in Port Elizabeth, so I have had to fly up frequently to attend high court hearings. My son and I received temporary legal custody of her on my 60th birthday.
In the Republic of South Africa our welfare system is terribly overburdened, and we have received no financial assistance. In fact, the legal fees have forced my husband, who is 70, to return to work to help finance our fight to retain custody of Katelyn. Our major worry is that as my son is not her biological father, we cannot be sure the court will award us permanent custody. We live in constant fear of losing her.
Katelyn is now 16 months old, and physically both my husband and I find ourselves exhausted at the end of each day. We are both fit, healthy individuals, but on days when she is tired, or unwell, we find ourselves not able to cope! My son has left his job at sea and has started in a new land-based business, which unfortunately to begin with, finds him doing contract work in some of our neighboring countries. This means he is not at home for weeks at a time, so we seldom get anytime to ourselves anymore.
My husband's hobby is music and he still plays in a "rock 'n roll" band. Both of us miss the fact that I can no longer support him at gigs. We belonged to a hiking club. Now he sometimes goes and Katelyn and I join them for lunch after the walk, but she is so busy that it is no longer a pleasure sitting sharing a meal and chatting with friends.
We are basically just taking one day at a time and handling it as best as we are able. We are both taking a lot of personal strain with the situation, but the thought of not having her in our family will be a million times worse. She is truly the greatest blessing and joy in our lives.
Lessons Learned
I think the greatest lesson I have learned is that you should always be careful what you pray for! (joke) All my life I wanted to be a granny and now that is still what I want. I would love to just be Katelyn's Granny, someone who could just love + spoil her and never be too tired to play with her. I would have loved to be the person she shared things with when her parents didn't understand. Instead I have to be the one to teach her manners, set and enforce rules, etc. When I should be laughing at her, I find myself correcting her, and when I am playing with her, I often find myself too tired to enjoy it! Sad lesson indeed.Hardest Part
Is knowing that one day we will lose her and she will no longer live with us! Hopefully she will go to my son, who adores her. Until then we continue to be grateful that she is in our lives.
Most Rewarding Part
Her smile; the look on her face when she sees me in the morning; hugging her close; watching her grow from an infant into a little person with such character. Loving her and being loved in return.
