6 Factors of Grandparent-Grandchild Closeness

Grandparents sometimes wonder at what age their grandchildren may lose interest in them. Many kids start drifting away from their grandparents starting around age 10 and continue into their teen years. This varies from child to child and family to family, but it mimics what many parents experience as their kids gain autonomy and get increasingly interested in their friends.

But there are things you can do to keep your grandparent-grandchild relationship solid, even over time. Social psychologists have studied a concept called "intergenerational solidarity," in which there are six key factors that influence this "solidarity" or relationship closeness—these might also be reasons your kids are obsessed with their grandparents.

Understanding these solidarity factors can help you foster a closeness with your grandchild that's more likely to last. Here are the six key factors that influence the age in which grandchildren lose interest in grandparents.

Physical Proximity to Grandchildren

Not surprisingly, geographic closeness is one of the strongest predictors of a close relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. If living close to grandchildren isn't possible, frequent visits are another way to develop physical closeness.

Communication is key even if physical proximity isn't possible. Older grandchildren are often appreciative of periodic text messages just to let them know you're thinking of them. The bottom line is that loving grandparents can find a way to bridge the distance, even if they can't be there in person.

Frequency of Contact With Grandchildren

Perhaps unsurprisingly, grandparents who stay in contact with their grandchildren have closer relationships. Whether that contact is in person, over video chat, or even email, text, or good old-fashioned letters, how often grandparents reach out and connect with their grandkids factors into their closeness.

Grandparents' Role in the Family

When grandparents provide child care for grandchildren or adopt their grandchildren, they have a greater-than-average opportunity to bond. Some grandparents may take more of a parental role rather than functioning as a typical grandparent.

Interestingly, research shows that the regular presence of grandparents results in closeness, rather than the specific functions that the grandparent performs. So whether you are a grandparent who is a guardian to your grandchildren, babysits them, mainly plays with them, or takes them on outings, you can be close to your grandchildren—what really matters is showing up for your grandchild.

Family Expectations

Studies show that families that expect strong relationships between the generations are more likely to have them. That's because children are taught from an early age that family members share obligations to each other. Those obligations may include caregiving for children or older family members, financial assistance, and general sharing of tasks. And the assistance flows in both directions—from younger to older and from older to younger.

Families with this type of culture are more likely to demonstrate strong grandparent-grandchild bonds than families where individuality and independence top the list of values. These families are also more likely to adopt practices that keep extended families close, such as regularly sharing meals.

Emotional Bonding

Although grandparents and grandchildren often report mutual closeness, grandparents may report a greater degree of closeness than the younger generation. Children are often closest to their parents and siblings as opposed to their grandparents, but this dynamic varies among families. As children grow, their circles enlarge, and their peers become vitally important to them, which makes grandparents further displaced.

It's important to note that grandparents who establish emotional bonds early on in their grandchildren lives will find that those bonds last. Strong emotional bonds usually survive the passage of time and the many changes that both generations go through. Research also shows that the middle generation, or the parent in this scenario, is vital in determining closeness. When grandparents and their adult children are close, closeness with grandchildren tends to come more naturally and easily.

Reaching a Consensus on Values

Grandchildren often get their early values from parents and grandparents. As they mature, however, they are more likely to develop their own set of values. Research shows that families are closest when they share values, but few families will ever be in total agreement across generations. Nor should they be—we learn from listening to different perspectives.

A generation gap sometimes develops when younger generations find older generations lacking in social tolerance and even prone to hypocrisy. Grandparents certainly do not need to abandon their values and standards, but a willingness to listen to the younger generation can go a long way.