No one knows the pain of being denied contact with grandchildren like another estranged grandparent. The anger, confusion and sadness can take a toll on estranged grandparents unless one develops appropriate coping strategies. If you have lived through the pain of separation from grandchildren, tell other grandparents how you have coped.
Note from Susan: I have allowed some posts from parents on this site, in the hope that the two sides -- parents and grandparents -- could learn from each other. Soon, however, the posts became combative and vitriolic. Going forward, posts that do not add something meaningful to the dialogue will not be published.Share Your Experience
- I have signed all legal guardianship papers for my grandchildren, but then I got a call from CPS saying I have a warrant and they're coming to get them. So they came and took them. I cleared the warrant and now can't get anyone to answer my phone calls. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do? Please help.
Over Two Months Now Without Seeing My GS
- I last saw my beautiful grandson in early January. My daughter has used him as a pawn pretty much since he was born. I love him so very much. I have been writing him letters once a week and mailing them to his dad's. I hope he gets them, and I hope one day he can write me back. My daughter is unbearable. I was going to file for grandparents' rights, but I am too afraid it will make things even worse for my grandson. She is a complete drama queen and is completely self-absorbed. This happened last year too. She did not allow me to see him for months. I am so sick and tired of her using my grandson as a pawn. He is almost seven now. He will grow up and see her for who she is and I will be here for him. I have to let her go. She is toxic to everyone. I really considered filing for grandparents' rights, but she just wants the drama. She actually filed a domestic violence charge against me last month. Note: there was no violence at all. She did that as a scare tactic
- My son's ex-girlfriend is getting married, and I'm afraid of losing my 2-year-old grandson. I babysat three days a week. I have always been there for her and my grandson, but I'm afraid that when her new husband adopts my grandson, I won't get to see him anymore. You see, there is nothing in writing that says my son is his father, and my son has never been there for them, but we have. I think it would just kill me if they take him away, not to mention what it would do to my grandson. Do we have any rights as grandparents?
- —Guest donna
Never Give Up
- I saw my grandson for the first time today since he was born, and he is 3 now. I have been unable to see my granddaughter for 8 years due to a falling out over wanting to see her. She is so bitter and angry. It is sad, but I will never give up. I buy lots of presents for their birthdays /Christmas and holidays, which she accepts but will not allow me and my husband to see them. It was only because it was my granddaughter's birthday party that I had the chance to see then both. My heart is so happy, and one day I hope they will come and see us themselves when they are old enough. The cruel treatment we have had is like many others, but I will never give up on them. I love them and believe one day it will change and hope it will for all others suffering like us .
- —Guest poppy
- I too have lost my daughter and newborn granddaughter. There was a big argument three years ago, caused by my vindictive ex-husband. (Too long to post on here.) I have said sorry over and over to my daughter, but she won't accept it, she wont forgive and forget or even talk to me. The most I ever get is an abusive text. I've begged her to meet me and talk but she won't. She didn't tell me when she was pregnant. I found out when someone told my son. I didn't get angry with her but again begged her to let me be a part of it. At Christmas I sent her and her husband a nice card, and when I didn't hear from her, I texted and asked if she'd received it? All I got back was a text gloating that she had moved several months ago and I had sent it to the wrong address! Again I didn't get angry, although it made me cry. Anyway last week I found out via Facebook that she had given birth to a little girl. This was four days ago now and she hasn't even bothered to text me. Just devastated.
- —Guest Rosie
- My daughter now has 4 children. I have never been wealthy and struggled to support my children. She wanted more. She married someone who came from a little money, and I became undesirable. The children are always with their other grandmother (every weekend), but they only see me at Christmas time or their birthdays. (We live about 30 minutes apart.) I don't want to give up on my grandkids, but it is heartbreaking to go to a birthday party and feel like a stranger while you watch the other grandmother get all the love of the kids. I can't go anymore. I will from now on drop in unannounced to give birthday presents. If that is all she wants for me to be to them is a gift on holidays, so be it.
- —Guest Hazel
- I lost all my feelings for my children, grandchildren, and anyone else that should hurt me. I don't care if I ever see them again. I feel nothing. I did go through a period or mourning, but it's over. I just want to live out my life peacefully and collectively. I would like tell people who are suffering not to suffer, because it will only hurt your general health. Stay safe, and just live life day to day. Most of us who are grandparents are older. We need our strength for positive things. Keep busy, volunteer, help people in need and stop dwelling on the brats who keep the grandchildren away. My situation may be different. I am bipolar, so my children don't think I am fit to see my grandchildren or spend time with them. Well, let me say this: I have a lot of positive people in my life and a loving husband (not their father). My husband has been very kind to those children I bore, but they are not nice to him, or me for that matter. Who needs that kind of nonsense in their life?
- —Guest Brendie
I Don't Care Any More
- I lost my feelings. I just don't care any more. I am too old for all the nonsense. I have to take care of myself. I will only spend my time with people who care about me and people I care about. I think that you have to rid yourself of the negative things in your life and only concentrate on positive ones. I am not trying to "please" people anymore, especially those who don't appreciate it. You can moan and groan all you want to, and nothing really changes. Now I feel a sense of freedom that I didn't feel before. It's just me and hubby, no one else. Children can be real brats and selfish too. If they think they are doing the right thing by keeping us from the grandkids, they are sadly mistaken.
- —Guest Lee Leonard
Grandchildren Grow Up, Too
- It is difficult for me to read the cavalier uncompassionate words of some of the parents toward grandparents. Children are not owned by the parents. The parents have the primary responsibility, but it takes many generations to raise a child. Grandparents have lived longer, have learned so much and have so much to offer the grandchildren. In Asia, for example, grandparents are honored and made part of the families' life until their death. Our culture is so focused on the individual that it forgets about the health of the whole. Grandparents are part of the "wholeness," both for the health of the grandchildren and for the health of the grandparents. All generations need each other. Much of the separation is caused because parents, and sometimes "in-laws" want "ownership" and control, rather than realizing there is enough love for everyone to share. For all those parents who justify cutting off grandparents from some type of relationship -- remember the cycle will repeat itself.
- —Guest carolyne
I Wish I Had a Grandmother for My Child
- I am so sad to read most of these posts. My daughter turned 1, and my mother never bothered to call or send a card or gift. She never sent a card on Christmas or a gift for her either, claiming she had no money though she had just put a nice sauna in her home. I had to beg her to come when I had my daughter. (We live in different states.) I have flown to see her with my daughter. I have never asked her for money or anything, so I do not know why she couldn't care less about her grandchild. My sister claims she is like this with her children, and though I had never seen it or believed it before, I certainly do now. I don't know what to say or do to get her to want to be a grandmother.
- —Guest Sad Daughter
I'm so Sad.
- I had a very terrible time with my husband's illness. Our life changed. We allowed the mother of our granddaughter to move here with us against the wishes of her father and our daughter. She was a very big help. My husband died, and I was so full of anger and grief that my counselor says that I had a breakdown of sorts. I pushed, shoved, yelled and physically attacked, and my granddaughter saw part of this. I'm so sad and so ashamed that this happened. Saying I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart hasn't worked. I can't talk to my granddaughter. Any suggestions for me?
- —Guest Denise
Estranged from Grandchildren
- I can't sleep, I am so disturbed by this chain of events. My daughter started a fight with me, and this came out of nowhere. I am divorced from her father, and she started to ask me about why I got the house and what I did with my engagement ring. Apparently, her father just had another divorce, and they felt sorry for him. My daughter had a puss on her face for days before, and I thought things were going fine until she pushed me into a corner with questions about why I had my house and my ring. She hung up the phone on m, and then I called her back and told her that she was disowned. I said a few choice words I should not have said, and it was on tape. She relayed this to my other daughter, and she is not talking to me either. I miss my grandchildren. I know I should not have cursed at her, but she pushed my buttons too far. Frankly, she and her sister had a hand in breaking up their father's second marriage. I think they are after his money. I have remarried.
- —Guest Lee Leonard
- I have not seen my granddaughters for 10 years due to my son and I having a falling out. I have said sorry so many times but to no avail. I am going through a depressive episode at present, but my two adult daughters just think I'm playing the victim and have threatened to not bring the boys 9 and 6 to come and see my husband and I. Sometimes I wish that I never had children. The pain is too much. Does anyone out there have similar problems?
- I too am alone in this world. I raised my son to the best of my ability. Never had problems with him growing up until he hooked up with a young girl. She and her mother chased my son and finally with great planning they pushed me out of his life. He was married after she became pregnant and had a child. I wasn't even sent a invitation, although I showed up anyhow. After the baby was born, they denied me the chance to see her. It was one thing then another. I really did not realize or ever think possible that there were others in my boat. I pray for you all. My heart is broken and shattered over all of this. It actually makes you feel worthless in old age, and the pain is really worse than death. They live less than a mile away. I watch every day since she was born, and they run her all over but only stop by for me to peek at her through a car door. I have revamped my home so many times in expectation of them coming over, only to get a text saying something came up. Lost 4eve
- —Guest Sue
Denied Our Only Granddaughter...
- We became grandparents for the 1st time in 2012. What we thought would be a dream come true turned out to be a nightmare. Just before Christmas our lives changed for the worse. Our son, who was once a loving person, told us we are no longer wanted in his life and we will not be seeing our darling granddaughter again! His girlfriend/partner is an awful person, and she had told him it's her or us! We always walked on glass around her. She was rude and loud with no personality, but we accepted her and did our best. She dictated to us about everything. We couldn't do anything right. We saw her aggressive side often, but we loved our beautiful granddaughter soooo much that we took it all. How do we move on from this? Our hearts are broken, and it's causing illness. I long to hug my granddaughter, hold her tiny hand, give her a million kisses and, most of all, tell her that I love her. I've not seen my son or his girlfriend since November 2013. Each day gets worse. The pain is unbearable. I pray I'll see my granddaughter before I die.