From the article: The Emotional Toll of Losing Contact With Grandchildren
No one knows the pain of being denied contact with grandchildren like another estranged grandparent. The anger, confusion and sadness can take a toll on estranged grandparents unless one develops appropriate coping strategies. If you have lived through the pain of separation from grandchildren, tell other grandparents how you have coped. Share Your Experience
So Sad
- I miss my sweet baby boy. His mother took him out of state. She left in the middle of the night. She is staying with he elderly stepfather and now he doesn't have his back yard, his room, all his toys, all the people he has ever known and loved that love him dearly. His mother is lazy. I worry she won't get up with him or treat him right. She is always on her phone texting or playing games instead of interacting with him. I just pray to God to have angels surround him and keep him safe.
- —Guest Nonny
Sad in Wisconsin
- Last August I was at the birth of my very first grandchild. The experience was a combination of a really bad time and wow here is my grandson. I traveled six hours for his birth only to be faced with my sons GF at the time family's hatred towards me for reasons I still to this day have no clue about. After I arrived back home, I was faced with the fact my husband had lost his job and I was unable to do anything at that time to send a gift for my grandson. I still have two kids living with us. Now just the other day I asked my son's ex when I might be able to see my grandson and she pretty much said no way she thought I was off my rocker. She stated the other day that she is going to file papers against my son to change my grandson's last name and try and terminate his rights. My grandson is 8 months old. I am just stunned that I as a grandparent have to file papers with the courts just to see MY flesh and blood. This is by far worse than going through a divorce. All because she is mad at my son.
- —gmalisa
Daughter Is Mentally Il
- I am a grandmother of two beautiful children. I am not able to see them currently. I may luck out and get to see them only thru others, and when my daughter feels like it again. But now she has crossed the line and my grandchildren are at risk. I have been guilty of bailing her out too many times, but this time, I will only bail out and stand up for my grandchildren. Getting too old to have my heart continuously broken and too old to worry about their welfare. Wish i could get her help, but you cannot force them to get help. I am sick, sick of it all and grow weary with all the hurt and pain put upon me by her actions and words. Happy I found this site, sad that others have to experience the same thing, but glad to know I am not alone.
- —Guest Gannie
Cut Off and Still Considered Family
- My son married a young woman and they live with my grandchild next door to her family. They are very close to her family. Over the last month they cut off all connections with my husband and I. Now we are invited to the grandchild's birthday. Do we go? How do we act? The grandchild is a toddler. How do you pretend everything is fine? My heart hurts. How do you get over this?
- —Guest Jeanne
Coming from the D-I-L
- A few words to the grandparents: You have to respect your child's parenting and authority. Give the family space and time to be a family, and just love your grandchild. I was called a baby carrier by my mother-in-law, and she always just dropped by as she pleased. I had to hide in my room and pretend I wasn't home. She was too overbearing. She told me once a week to see the grandkids was good. I always felt everything happening was decided by her. I just had a baby and wanted time to learn myself how to mother and to adjust to being a parent. We have come a long way since then. She is an amazing woman and I love her. We were both just learning and adjusting, but she realized she couldn't always hold the reins and we need our space and respect for our parental authority. I wish you grandparents all the best. Make sure you show the son- or daughter-in-law some love and have some one-on-one time too. You need to bond. Good luck. Maybe mail an apology even if you aren't wrong. If you get a response, it's worth it, right?
- —Guest kayla
Help
- My daughter has turned my grandkids against me. Their ages are 14, 12 and 8. I babysat for them 2-3 days a week. I was called the BEST GRANDMA EVER! Can't cope!! Do you think because they are older grandkids they will remember all the happy times and come back to me when they are out of their parents' influence?
- —Guest Sherry
Addressed to Lone Parent - Now No GP
- I could have written your post! I had a wonderful relationship with my son, or so I thought, as I was raising him as a "single mom." He met then married a young woman that looked at me and treated me like she hated me on sight. I kept waiting for him to stop it but that started in 1995, they married in 1997, I have three grandkids and don't even know them. I kept my first grandchild for 3 1/2 years starting when he was two weeks old while they worked locally. In 2003 they moved 1000 miles away, and it has been a nightmare ever since. She was determined to keep us out of "her" family and not to share "her" kids with me and his older brother. For reasons I don't understand, my son didn't put a stop to it. It's been almost a year now since we were able to talk to them on the phone and we've been so hurt it's made us ill. Especially with the child we got to know. He just started fading until now he is gone.
- —Guest Sandiw
Helping You With Coping
- Hello. I am here also. I have not seen my non-biological 3 y/o grand daughter in 5 months. It is the cruelest act I have ever witnessed. I do accept it the way waterfalls can't go up. In my heart she will always be my granddaughter. I keep moving forward. If anything I think I still make her proud. I know she still loves me. Please you need to move forward. Never forget them and celebrate them. But you must take care of you. It is your family's lie to live. The cover-up is worse then the crime.
- —Guest Dan
Lost My Little Angel Granddaughter
- My son and I have always had problems in our relationship. He and his girlfriend had a baby girl 6 months ago. I was able to be part of her life and loved and treasured every time I spent with her. With his anger issues and manipulation, he always threatened that if I didn't play my cards right, I would never see my one and only grandchild. I walked on pins and needles with his threats. Finally that day came. He acted out at a family party drunk. I stepped in, and he said some pretty nasty and sick things to me. As I expected, he said that would be the last of seeing the baby. It has been a month now already, and I am having a very hard time. If I could go back to that night, I would have stepped away from his drama and let him be. He is 27, and his actions are not my problem. He is an adult. I have talked to a therapist and that is the mistake she said I made, getting involved. Even though I am the mother, I can't control an adult's actions. I feel partially to blame for losing my grandchild.
- —Guest helene varga
Grandparent
- I will never understand the behavior of my daughter towards me. She was always very fond of my ex-husband. She has lied and stolen from me. Those kids were my life. The betrayal and all the lies have destroyed me. I live and take care of my Alzheimer mom. These last 5 to 6 years have been a torture to me. I don't understand how my one daughter could do this to me. I gave my all to her and to my grandchildren. What should I do? Thank you. Lis Schultz
- —Guest LIS SCHULTZ
Guilt
- One guest posted about whether we grandparents have considered our role in the estrangement. Any truly loving grandparent has grown up enough to look at their past mistakes and wonder what they did wrong. None of us parented perfectly. And many of the sons and daughters think they can and haven't appreciated the value of a child having loving grandparents in their lives. This generation, from what I see all too much, is a selfish one. Parents get used and then cast aside. This is not always true because I do have one daughter that is very wise and I can see those little ones without question. She and I know boundaries but we also have respect, but that is something lacking grossly in most kids today.
- —Guest fighter
Lone Parent- Now No Grandparent
- I am desperately looking for some help as I am so broken-hearted since my daughter-in-law has told me I am not going to see my two grandsons ever again. All I have done is loved them and helped out where I can, but she has always wanted my son to have no family and has hinted in the past to me that she will take his sons from him one day. My son stands by his wife, but she has previously caused problems between my son and my daughter. He is totally without people on his side, and she is so manipulative and nasty. It scares me to think what losing his boys would do to him.
- —Guest Teardrop
Court
- Going to court for grandparent's rights. Fed up being used and then my grandkids being used as pawns. Daughter may be mentally ill but at 30 I can't force her to therapy but I can sure fight back. I raised her and three others for this?
- —Guest sarah
Going to Court!
- There isn't enough room to explain here, but one of my daughters totally has betrayed us after we have helped her and our granddaughter for years. She has become someone we don't know, called police on us, much more. Now is divorcing and with a dangerous boyfriend and says I will never see the granddaughter I helped raise. I'm fighting back and got an attorney and am suing for visitation. We have helped that daughter so much and she has thrown her whole family under the bus. I owe it to our granddaughter to fight to try and make sure she is OK and to let that daughter know you can't just take and take from your parents who loved you and do this. She crossed way over the line and no one else can be a voice for our granddaughter. We've done our homework on this and have a good case. It hurts to have my child do this to us, but she is 30 and so I choose now to have no relationship with her and stand for the one who can't say anything.
- —Guest aFighter
daughter got mad
- my daughter got mad because my other daughters manager said she stopped at an accident on the highway in the winter and it was her sister , she said she was going fast for the weather and when I told my daughter that it was her sisters manager that stopped her she swore and told me it wasn't her and I was shocked of how mad she got , not that she didn't have 3 speeding tickets before. we have paid her car insurance and helped her get a house, cleaned, babysat and help for months with the house . Her dad was over cutting there trees down for months . Now we haven't seen our grandson in 3 months and her or her husband wont answer and wont even talk about it with us ! ! I tried to explain to her that we were happy she wasn't hurt. and second times this happened ! last time we gave him an extra bottle and weren't Allowed to babysit and begged him to let us see him the last time ! Now I don't know what to do ! I don't want to play her games !
- —Guest mn
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