No one knows the pain of being denied contact with grandchildren like another estranged grandparent. The anger, confusion and sadness can take a toll on estranged grandparents unless one develops appropriate coping strategies. If you have lived through the pain of separation from grandchildren, tell other grandparents how you have coped.
Note from Susan: I have allowed some posts from parents on this site, in the hope that the two sides -- parents and grandparents -- could learn from each other. Soon, however, the posts became combative and vitriolic. Going forward, posts that do not add something meaningful to the dialogue will not be published.Share Your Experience
- Several days ago I posted some info on my on personal situation with my granddaughter, and I would like to thank everyone for their responses. I appreciated all the comments, so today I want to say this will probably be my last post. My heart just can't take thinking about my precious granddaughter being in the hands of two idiots. Yesterday I heard from her, and she started out by saying, "Hungry, Pop Pop, hungry." It killed me, and I cried for about two hours. I just don't know what to do. I can't let her parents manipulate me and my wife like this. We are sincerely thinking of foster caring for another unfortunate child with the intent of maybe adopting. We have so much love to give and a fair financial situation, so why not give something back to our community to some child who will truly appreciate it? Is this selfish? We miss her so much and feel so sorry about being so helpless. Her parents make me sick to my stomach. We know that if we do this, it will probably change our relationship with her forever.
- —Guest Heavy Heart
I KNOW Your Pain
- Hi to Heavy Heart: Get an attorney and go to court for grandparent visitation rights. We helped our teen daughter raise my grandson; then when she wanted to move on with a loser guy, she wanted us out. Well, too bad. We got standing in the court because he lived with us and we watched him a lot. So now we get him 8 days a month. She and her boyfriend don't like it, but, oh well, don't put a child in our lives and then just expect us to forget. Stay strong and go to court.
- —Guest L. Finnigan
- My granddaughter was taken from us 14 days ago, after our having had her since she was ten days old. My soul was ripped from my body. This stemmed from a basic disagreement. Her mom showed up with the authorities and her stepmom demanding her child. CPS in this town I live in is a joke. They notify the parents of when they are coming to inspect their home. If they do and say all the right things for a day or so, then it's right back to business as usual -- moving from place to place, not looking for work and out of control use. All the while my grandbaby is dirty, hungry and neglected. It just keeps me crying all day every day. Somebody please tell us what to do. I've told my wife to give them money, and she does. They bring my granddaughter back until the money is gone, then they return to take her back again. I truly would like to cut both the parents' heads off so that I can see how they think. How could they deny such a beautiful girl an opportunity to grow up healthy and allow her to be the best she could be?
- —Guest proud pops
Closer Than Ever
- I have posted here countless times. My grandson's mother has a serious screw loose. She would come to my house and say things like "I had a dream that A--- died" or "I had a dream that he fell out of a window." These are not things a mother would ever utter. I'm concerned now with our little guy's safety. My son says it's nothing, but there is something seriously wrong with her. My son only has contact with her if it's about the baby. Other than that, nothing. He's asserted his rights and has finally hammered out regular visitation. I'm happy to say that -- so far so good. My grandson and I are closer than ever. When I hear him come in the house, I yell, "Hey! Is that my friend?" And he runs to me. We are pals. But I always feel like it's the calm before the storm. This past week she wasn't home when my son took the baby back. So he brought him to me. I took him shopping. She threatened to have the police arrest me if I didn't have him back in 20 minutes. She's not playing with a full deck.
- —Guest devastatedmimi
- My son and his girlfriend asked if they could live with us for a while after the birth of our first grandson. We gladly said yes. Our grandson was just 1 month old. Within less than 3 months we had our first of many upsets. Each time we were threatened with them moving out. We walked on eggshells for 10 months so not to upset her. I babysat while she started an in-home business or traveled to see friends. We all got the norovirus while she was away. I crawled to help take care of my son and grandson. She got a stripping job in neighboring state and lied about what she was doing. We were asked to act like we didn't know what was going on. She owes a lot of money in back child support for her 9-year-old son. She still gets visitation for him. My son was looking at getting a second job part time so she wouldn't strip. She wanted a $5,000 ring. They moved to my mother's 3 months ago and we are dead to them.
- —Guest Sharon
- My daughter and I aren't close, but for the last 2+ yrs I have been seeing my granddaughter. A short time ago she decided she couldn't part with her because she was afraid of missing out on something. When I asked to take her, she made excuses. She keeps telling me to come there and visit. It is 70 miles, and my SSD does not allow me to drive that often. She kept telling me to tell her dates when I want her. I came up with 4 dates, and she made excuses for every one. So I came up with certain dates for a year in advance, and she won't even address that. She told me she wanted me out of her life and added a few choice words. She has embarrassed me so many times in the past, and I feel it's better to cut ties with her for my health's sake. I can't keep not knowing if I will ever see her. She is so jealous of my son and grandson. My grandson and I have an awesome relationship because my son lets me spend so much time with him, and he lived states away. I just need to correspond with someone who can relate -- don't need to post.
I Keep Trying, Until...
- I dont even know where to begin. My daughter hates me. My granddaughter is 4 years old. She can't spell her name, does not know the alphabet or how to count. My daughter is in an extremely abusive relationship, but she's 23 and thinks she knows everything. I have helped with my granddaughter since the day she was born, and we have a very special relationship. My daughter uses her as a weapon against me to get what she wants. She sends me texts and tells me to take my meds and overdose and die because her life would be so much better. I have actually let her get to me to the point that I wanted to. I also have a son and have a beautiful grandson that I don't spend nearly as much time as I should because my daughter overwhelms me so much. I worry about my granddaughter every day. Her parents are not married, her mother's boyfriend is abusive, can't keep a job and has now become abusive to me as well. My daughter has always used the baby as a weapon against me. The last time she cut me off, it was for 3 months.
- My eldest son doesn't understand why I cry when this stuff happens. "Ya'll know what she's gonna do. I don't know why you act like it's such a big surprise when it happens. Stop crying over it. It annoying." That makes me feel worse because now I have to walk on eggshells around him or hide myself away in my room. I miss my little guy just as much as I would miss him. Is it okay to cry and show my emotions or better to keep them to myself?
- —Guest devastatedmimi
Step Grandchildren Count Too!
- All of my previous posts have been about being unable to see a biological grandson. My eldest son's girlfriend has two children from previous relationships. We have grown close to them because I'm a very loving grandmother and make sure they get lots of hugs and kisses. The oldest one is 7 years old. He's a harder nut to crack. By looking at my son you would never think he was the fatherly type. Tall, shaved head, beard but no mustache and loaded with tattoos. But these kids love him, especially the youngest. My son has been dealing with being put down, called lazy, he never does anything -- so forth, so on. Today he found out that his girlfriend had to rush the youngest to the ER because he drank a bottle of scented oils. He was furious that she didn't call him. She said, "Well, you're not his father." My son ended the relationship right then and there. It was a slap in the face. I never had these children at my home alone, only when mom was around, but they got used to all the hugs and kisses. Now I have no grandchildren.
- —Guest devastatedmimi
Won't Respond to Communications
- My son finally recognized that his girlfriend was isolating him from his family and friends. I'm disabled, so I have been available to keep our little guy for them almost daily. So my son was here daily and realized how much time had been wasted by her manipulation and control. The entire time he was here she called and called and texted and texted. Even if she was at work, she wanted to know where he was every minute of the day. Well he got fed up with her being so overbearing and cold toward him and us. He has left the relationship -- I don't know for how long this time -- and now she will not communicate at all with him about seeing the baby. She took his phone so all the jobs he had applied for can't get in touch with him. We are worried that she will keep the baby from us unless my son returns to that unhealthy relationship. This happened last night, and I already have a knot in my stomach. I told my son I'm not going to take sides because it was his realization that brought us to this point. So now what do we do?
- —Guest devastatedmimi
Fighting Between Son and GF
- I've made many posts here. The last one was in March. We have been regularly seeing our guy, and he makes us so happy. One of the issues my son's girlfriend had was that she and I didn't have a close relationship. So I tried, very hard. My son has been like the rest of the country, unable to find permanent work. He works temp job after temp job, but none of them keep their temps long enough to hire. He went to work on a Tuesday, and they told him they didn't have any more work and would call him when they did. His girlfriend came to the house immediately after she got off work and came into MY home and badgered him until he finally got up and went into the kitchen. She followed him in and said, "What's wrong with you? Do you want to be a bum the rest of your life?" That was it. I didn't want to know her any more than I already did. I told them the last time that their problems are their problems. Our relationship with him has nothing to do with whether they're getting along or not. Pins and needles once again.
- —Guest devastatedmimi
Sons Ex-girlfriend Keeps Grandkids Away
- My son's ex can't get over the breakup and uses the kids to get back at my son. It has been over a year. He has moved on. She blames his whole family. She wants me to disown him. She wants me to tell him to go back to her. He's almost 35. She wants the family to take sides. We tell her that's between them. We're here for her if she needs anything, but the kids are who we are concerned with, showing them love and keeping their lives as stable as possible. I had her as a Facebook friend, and all she ever did was talk bad about my son. So today I blocked her. I should have done it months ago. What can I do? He is a good dad. I kept her as a friend to have some contact with the kids, but I can't read the negativity about my son and my family anymore. I feel drained dealing with this. I just want to love my babies. If she had been the one who said enough, would she be acting like she is? I wonder if I will leave this world and they won't remember me.
- —Guest saf
- It's been 15-and-a-half years since I saw my grandson. I was there when he was born. I cut the cord and helped my daughter raise him for the first two-and-a-half years. Then, enter the father, who brainwashed my daughter and took them away. He threatened to kill me, and every time I tried to see my precious grandson, the police were called. I am very ill but still pray every day for my prayers to be answered and I will see him and my daughter before I die. My prayers and love for them keep me alive. My prayers and love go out to all grandparents who are in this situation. Keep your faith. Miracles do happen.
- —Guest Maureen McGlynn
Sad and Broken Grandmother
- I have tried for the past 2 years to visit my granddaughter. The first time I saw her was February 2014. After that my ex-daughter law and I had some disagreements. She refuses me visitations with granddaughter. Also I have sent her an apology letter requesting visitations. Nothing works. I have cried, heartbroken. Due to the fact that I cannot afford an attorney, she uses my granddaughter like a weapon against me. On my first visit with my granddaughter, the only thing seen was abuse from the ex-mother law to my granddaughter. I was trying to protect my granddaughter's welfare and well-being. Every day I pray Lord, give me a chance to be in my granddaughter's life. But sad, the mother of my granddaughter stated no, stay away. Due to highly priced attorneys I cannot afford them at all.
- —Guest amigaliz
- Oh, I am so angry! It has been nearly six months since I saw my precious grandson. How can these adult children be so hurtful? My daughter knows that my grandson is her only power, and she uses it. It is criminal and pathetic. I must say I don't miss the eggshell walk, but I sure do miss him every single day.