- The selfish parents I'm reading about do not care about anybody but themselves. The total disregard for the children's feelings and lives is not thought of. I believe in karma. These children will treat their parents the way they treated them. They will realize their grandparents were always there, loving them and waiting for their return. I, too, am in the same boat, waiting for my granddaughter to return to my life. I did all I could to make her happy, and a selfish parent is trying to make her forget us. I know she never will, and my husband states she will be back. We loved her too much, and she knows it. So prayers to all the grandparents who want to be grandparents.
- —Guest guest
Very Sad and Upset
- My daughter passed away 3 years ago at the age of 27. She left behind two beautiful girls and a fiance. I stayed at her place 6 weeks prior to her death. She was not married but was happily engaged to the father of her two daughters. I had been able to take the girls home over weekends. Now, I get a response of no to any visit. I requested to have the girls over Presidents Day weekend, and that was a no. I requested to have them for two weeks the end of June. I gave their dad the dates around the end of January. He still says he needs to discuss it with his wife. I have done nothing to upset him. The girls live two hours away. I am so hurt and upset. I had always thought of the girls' dad, as my own son. I feel like I am being tortured.
I Have Never Seen My Grandsons.
- I haven't seen my 34-year-old son for 3 1/2 years, since his wedding. I have never even seen his 2 sons, 3 and 1. I didn't even know he had the second one. His wife told him he had to cut the apron strings. We live 3,000 miles apart, but we all get free airfare because he works for an airline. Its hard because my son was the only child for almost 11 years, and we were very close up until he met her. His own brother that is 11 years younger hasn't seen him or his nephews either in 3 1/2 years. I didn't realize my son could be so easily brainwashed. I was a very good mother. Even as a single mother, I always took an interest in his life, and he was able to become very educated. I do wish I could see my grandsons, but in a way it is hard to miss what you never knew. I just can't understand my son treating me this way. Will he ever have regrets? It's almost as if his previous family doesn't exist anymore. I have tried being nice and being mean back. Any suggestions?
- I nursed my youngest grandchild when she was 2 weeks old and have not seen her since. Their mother is manipulative and controlling and I am not allowed to see either of my girls, now 5 years old and 6 months old. I had a wonderful relationship with our 5-year-old, and I am being prevented from seeing due to a spiteful person. So very unfair to the girls as I have such a lot of love for them.
- —Guest Terri
- You taught your daughter how to sneak behind the backs of adults. She will do it to you if she has not done it already. Mothers like you make a forum like this a necessity. You have no right to withold your child from her grandparents! You should be ashamed of yourself. Put your false pride in your back pocket. Call the grandparents and apologize to them. Do the same to your daughter. Tell the truth and say you made a poor decision. Do not question your daughter after her visits. Get into therapy and do not involve your child. Say nothing to her. She needs to worry about kid stuff, not adult issues. I hope that someone files a report against you and CPS storms into your life like a well-trained SWAT team. We are fighting to see our grandchildren because of mothers like you! Grow up!
- —Guest Susan
Is It Really Worth It?
- I have come to the conclusion that I will not be in my grandsons' lives. My daughter now denies me a phone call. I am putting together a memory box so one day he will understand why I was not in his life. I have old family pictures that he would enjoy as well. I stumbled onto a great way to cope. I start an email to my daughter and do not send it. I put it under drafts in my PC. It has gotten to the point that any contact with her is negative. As much as I want to see my grandsons, it is not worth putting up with her crap. I cannot win for losing, so I am trying to step out of the line of fire. Now and then I think of emailing Dr. Phil and asking for his help. I am trying to stay away from my daughter and the stress she causes. My anger at her is so strong I could spit nails.
- —Guest Susan
- I looked into visitation several years ago. All that I had to do was pick up a form at the court house asking for visitation. I thought about it and ran it past a few friends of mine. It would make things more difficult with my daughter Jennifer. CPS would launch an investigation which would REALLY make my daughter angry. CPS would talk to all family members and hopefully work out a supervised visitation plan. One hour per week would make me happy, especially supervised. Jennifer is a single parent but lives in a new condo with her fiancee and the children are well cared for. To force this issue would bring more stress onto myself. I do not have the energy to "fight a good fight." I am very angry at both of my daughters! It is not worth the trouble and stress -- for me at least -- to take this legal battle on.
- —Guest Suzanne
- Grandparents have no rights. I could, however, have gone to the courthouse and filled out a "Request For Visitation." That would have gone to CPS, and both of my daughters would have blown sky high. I had to move to another state to get away from wanting to visit my grandsons because my daughter that has the two boys would have made me miserable. My second grandchild was due the day after my daughter emailed me saying that she was having another baby! Everyone else knows about it but me. I miss even talking to the oldest child but his mother controlled that. She does not take my calls, let alone agreeing to Skype with me. Visiting? That is not going to happen. My daughters are twins, and they can bind together and cause more trouble! My daughter Jennifer that has the boys always tries to pick a fight. I got a short email from her today that was rude to say the least! The "other" grandmother sees both boys on a regular basis. I am so filled with anger that I could just spit!
- —Guest Magillamom51@yahoo.com
Books that Help Cope with Estrangement
- Fallen to the estrangement trap, I also experienced many of the traumas here in this forum. As a teacher and writer by trade, I wrote a book to help provide solutions and enable choices for healthier living. WHEN CHILDREN STRAY & TAKE GRAND BABIES AWAY: COPING STRATEGIES FOR (GRAND)PARENTS is an excellent book source for understanding estrangement and finding resolution when heartache persists. There is also a precursor to this book called 30 YEARS to 30 DAYS; ESTRANGED BIPOLAR DIVORCE LESSONS, Condensed. This riveting account examines how learned behavior, individual choices and a divorce can estrange family members. The PDF formatted books are located at: http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Store/Patty-Ann/ The Ebooks are located at: http://www.amazon.com/Patty-Ann/e/B008FSBY0Y I hope these books help you.
- —Guest Patty Ann
What If You Do Not Call?
- I have not had contact with my granddaughter in the almost 7 years since my grandson was born, whom I held for 20 minutes two days after he was born. I rarely see them in the street, and when I last saw them at Kmart, my grandson looked at me and turned away as he did not know me. You guessed right; we live in the same town. It has totally destroyed me. I have tried to have conciliation, but my daughter-in-law will not attend, and whatever keeps her happy my son goes along with. I know his wife and children are his world and so they should be, but to deny me and them the right to know each other is wrong. When I left his father when he was 4 years old, none of his father's family was denied access to him at any time, no matter how short the request to see him was. His father and I were good friends till the day he passed away. I just hope I live long enough to be able to tell them why I was not around and if not, that the letters will explain my side of the story
- —Guest anne
Missing our Granddaughter
- Very sad to see that there are so many grandparents and grandchildren affected by this. I haven't seen my granddaughter in over two months now. Her mother and maternal grandmother won't allow it. I'm not really sure what the issue is. They won't even discuss it. I honestly believe it is a control issue with the maternal grandmother. I am praying for them both. It is sad so many people forget they are affecting the life of an innocent child all for the sake of their own selfish wishes and wants. There truly is no reason for the alienation occuring in our circumstance. We have been patient and kind. I have stood up for the mother of my granddaughter when her own mother treated her like she was trash and yet I am the one left out in the cold. Her own father is barely allowed to see her. It is all so sad. One day God will set this right and our precious granddaughter will know the truth about all of this. Until that day ... we pray and love her endlessly.
- Wow, I can't believe all the grandparents who are going through the same heartache. I tried to get grandparents' rights, and our son went to court and was granted full visitation rights. But the mother of our 1st grandchild moved away, against court order. It took us 3 years to locate our granddaughter. Now she's gone again. Now with our 2nd granddaughter, our daughter is playing the same game, using her child as a pawn. I never thought she would do this. This generation is so selfish. I really think they are doing a disservice to their parents and grandchildren.
- —Guest kyright
Can't Wake Up From This Nightmare
- When my 17-year-old daughter said she was pregnant in a text, I drove two hours to to see her and hold her. I risked the love of my other children, but I supported her 100%. We shopped for baby items together, I gave her the shower she wanted, I helped her get her WIC and her day care support. I helped her give birth while the 16-year-old boyfriend sat there. I have done so much for her before and after he was born. Seven days ago the baby was in the hospital with RSV, and the dad started a fight in the hospital because she let us come to the hospital to see the baby. He wants her to hate us as much as he does. I believe she is cutting me off because the baby's father doesn't want us around. He is controlling my daughter's thoughts and actions. I saw his violence on Sunday, and I looked into his eyes, and I was afraid. I can't get over this. I can't believe she has cut us off. I personally feel like my heart has been ripped out. It is so difficult to believe that some can be so mean!
- —Guest nanaO'Michigan
Gave Them to the Lord to Watch Over
- He always did anyhow. My son is incarcerated and their mother has denied us visits. I cannot tolerate it in my own strength, had to just give it to God and let them go until He changes things.
A Grandmother's Pain
- I wrote it down to cope and was amazed by the response of this group. They felt the same way I did. If you'd like to read what I wrote and / or join the group, here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/grandparentsdeserverights/permalink/10150692678606258/
- —Guest Jeri