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Readers Respond: Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

Responses: 477

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Very Sad

I came here to get some comfort, and it has made me more sad. I have been having a great relationship with my grand for 7 years. I'm not saying it's wrong for her mom to just move. All I'm saying I have been there in every aspect, at least let me know, at least let me know it is a plan. I just want to be at peace, and accepting this is hard and very painful.
—Guest Lola

Boyfriends

I read these posts, and it is so sad that a complete stranger can.come into our grandchildren's life and abuse them! And the adult children think more of these men than their own children! Grandparents must sit by and watch this The most heartbreaking thing is we have no rights and a complete stranger can do what they want to these babies. Laws need to change!
—Guest messed up

We Do Love Them

I do not understand why Abbisunshine keeps saying these are not our children. I believe we are aware of that. But they are our grandchildren. We have bonded with them, babysat them and love them more than ourselves. To rip them away is evil. My grandson says granny promise you will never go away! You, Abbisunshine, do not know a thing about the emotional stability of a child. Just because we did not give birth to them does not mean we love them any less and neither we nor them should suffer at the hand of a selfish and uncaring spoiled adult child. rip them away is evil the children suffer so much.
—Guest missbabies

Not Seeing Grandchildren

I was allowed to see my grandchildren for 7 years until my daughter and her new boyfriend split. Soon after that she got another boyfriend. My 7-year-old grandson told me the boyfriend was alone with him, kissing him on the mouth and using his tongue. When I confronted my daughter and told her the boyfriend should move and she should put my grandson in therapy, while not allowing the boyfriend to live there until she found out for sure, her response was, "So I can't have a boyfriend because of a 7-year-old pervert!" Not all grandparents are at fault
—Guest lost

News Flash

1. If "everyone is against you " then YOU are the problem. 2. If "all of a sudden" you can't see or babysit grandchildren anymore, you probably did something very wrong that you refuse to admit. 3. Not liking your child/il's parenting style does not mean you are entitled to take the grandchildren away and raise them yourself. 4. If you call CPS, you are trying to take someone's child away. To me, an offense worthy of the death penalty. The president himself wouldn't be allowed to take my kids for ice cream after that. 5. Many of you act as though your DILs are stupid, worthless, horrible mothers. In your eyes, your grandchildren's MOTHERS are disposable, but their GRANDPARENTS are "the most important people in their lives". Clearly the issue is in your flawed perception of the familial relationship.
—Guest News flash

Guest Terri???

Guest Terri, please tell me that you and I have a different definition of "nursing" because in my world that means breastfeeding. If you did that to your GRANDchild, then you are a sick individual and you are super lucky that you are not my child's grandparent. I would have had you arrested. Disgusting.
—Guest Sam

Lauren, You Sound Like My DIL

And I mean that as a compliment! Jane is estranged from her mom Beth because Grandma wanted to play Mom. Jane is a sweet girl. I understand her wanting to parent her child, and she does it well, with no need for advice/interference from others. My sadness at watching Beth (grandma) self destruct and lose touch with her family brought me here. If I can persuade just one grandparent to let their (adult) child parent their own child as they choose (assuming kids are safe) and take a step back so they don't end up in Beth's shoes I will be happy. It is tragic what Beth misses out on, yet she still, to this day, shows no remorse or understanding for her hurtful behavior. Too many grandparents are acting too entitled. We should work as families to stop this tragic divide.
—Guest nanatotwointutus

A Parent's Perspective

I feel awful for many of the grandparents here, but as a parent who has cut off contact with my parents, I have to offer another side. We are good parents to two children, one of whom can be challenging. My husband overheard my parents having a long conversation about how our child was a budding criminal and we were terrible parents. He confronted them, and they fled. They now refuse to discuss the matter but expect to have continued contact with our children. They send them emails and cards directly saying they wish they had contact with them. They're not allowed to call them, etc. I have told them repeatedly that until they resolve what happened, I can't let my children have contact with them, that I don't want my kids around people who think such terrible things about our family. They will do nothing to resolve the situation with us -- refuse to return emails or meet with me, though I've offered--yet still expect to be part of my children's lives.
—Guest Leila

Wow

These grandparents sound so selfish. Not once have I read, "I miss my son/daughter!" They only care about the babies. Hubby, kids and I have a great relationship with my in-laws. Sadly, I had to cut off my own mother. Any adult who tells my kids to lie to me and keep secrets will never have access to my kids. Times have changed, which means parenting has too. Medical advice given to me with my first two kids is now obsolete. My younger children have received different care because new discoveries have been made. Something that worked 50 years ago may or may not work today. One fact remains: Grandchildren are a privilege, NOT a right.
—Guest OMNSN

@patrick

Oh yes, because you know me and my situation so well. If you read what I said correctly, you'd see it was my mother-in-law, not "grandma." If you only knew half of the things my mother-in-law has done to me and my husband over our daughter, you'd say differently. I'm not a hostile person. I'm angry at the conflict and stress my mother-in-law has pushed upon my family, and it makes me angry to see others doing the same. I have my child's best interests in mind. And that does not include her grandmother, who is very disrespectful to her parents.
—Guest Lauren

Both of My Daughters Have BPD & Bipolar

The oldest one is married and now has a 2-year-old daughter and a 6-week-old daughter. The younger one thinks she is gay, but I have seen her stumble around to different cliques trying to figure out who she is. My older daughter got out of control with borderline when she was 15, telling lie after lie. I was on it, trying to get her to get help, but she never would. Watching the Jodi Arias murder trial reflects my oldest daughter back to me. She has forced us out of her life because she knows that we know she is mentally ill. Her in-laws are letting her get away with murder. She has also got her younger sister siding against us. We are two hard-working people, fun parents, Christians. I gave them everything they needed. I planned to have grandchildren and a wonderful life with them. I love them so, but I have no phone number, no address, no email, and they don't want me in their lives. What can I do? Am I out of options? Does anyone have any success stories?
—tb85331

@Lauren

Wow is right. The apple didn't fall far from the tree in your family, did it. I predict there will be dysfunction resulting not only from grandma, but from you as well, because you make no effort to disguise your hostility. That's bound to rub off on your kids.
—Guest Patrick

Wow

I'm sorry, but most of you are seriously disturbed. Not all of you, just most. It is clear that you are boundary-overstepping, controlling grandparents. They are not your children. I understand if the parent was incapable of taking care, but otherwise, back off. That's the best advice I can give you. My mother-in-law does not see my child because she is psycho. She is obsessed with my son and thinks he is hers, to put it in simple terms. Not because I'm "selfish" NEWSFLASH: you're not the only ones who want what's best. THEY'RE OUR KIDS. NOT YOURS. You had your turn raising yours; let us be. Be grandparents, not parents.
—Guest Lauren

GMA Betty

This is for Millie48: Where do you live, as you want to start up a group? I live in the panhandle region of Florida, and am also interested in a group.
—Guest Betty

Got to Let Go

I have not seen my grandkids in over a year now. It is torture for me because they are being abused physically and emotionally. CPS was called, they came out, recommended my daughter-in-law take meds for her bipolar disorder and seek mental help, both of which she has refused to do. CPS did nothing more and CLOSED the case. My oldest grandson, who was 4, told CPS how bad his mother beat him, and still they closed the case. I can't even put into words the hell I have gone through. Bottom line is there is NOTHING we can do as grandparents. They are not our kids. There are no rights for grandparents. The ONLY way to cope is to put it in the Lord's hands and ask Him for the strength to get through it. It may be that those precious children will one day cause you even more pain than their parents have. The Lord, time and distance from the situation WILL help you get through this, plus those children will one day be of age and no longer ruled by the parents. God bless all of you.
—Sherry717

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Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

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