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Readers Respond: Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

Responses: 498

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Nanny Doesn't Care!

I have a mother who has no wish to see her three grandchildren. Is this normal? She has 12 grandchildren in all, but is only interested in 7 of them. It's unfair and upsets me greatly. My children are missing out on their nanny! What can I do though? She just doesn't want to know!
—Guest Clare

Mothers

I see far too many young mothers that are witholding visitation for the flimiest reasons. Remember that you would not have children if your mother did not have you. My daughter won't let me see my grandsons because of something she thinks I did. She says I filed a false report to APS, and I did not. I asked her for proof, and she says nothing. Before that my daughter said I was mentally ill, so I spoke with my doctor. He told me to get an evaluation and throw it in my daughter's face! I did that, but my daughter just dropped the mental illness issue and found another one. Mothers, your mother is not killing your child if they do not take a nap at the exact time you state. The kids know you are not home and push Grandmother a bit too. Your mother will soon drop dead and then you will feel like crap. I will wave at you as you stand crying at your mother's grave! Such evilness .
—Guest SUSAN

My Sister Banned My Mum

It has been a few years now, and my sister has said that my mother is not even allowed to see her grandchildren. Not only has she done that, but also she said she will put a harassment warning on her. I asked why, and all she said was, "Your so-called mum underlined has nothing to do with any of us." I can't seem to see why she keeps doing this because all my mum wants is to see the children. :(
—Guest mark davison

I Don't Know Why I Can't See Them

I'm new, hoping for a little help. I have 2 grandchildren--one is 2, saw twice, the baby is 2 mo. and don't know when I will see her. My son won't tell me why --- he and wife are "busy" so I can't visit. This has been going on for almost 3 yrs + no thanks from her for gifts like hand-knit baby ones + she ignores me. I see them for a couple days a year after flying many states away. Before there were kids, he was very nice. No one can believe how awful they have been to me ---- not just my opinion --- rest of family +others . Last straw--inviting me for 3 days at the last minute---plane fare was very high and date offered was hard, I asked to come the night before and he said,"that's not an option," and wouldn't explain--- it was 1/2 day before, and I'd be paying a motel, not him. His dad, who was awful to him, sees them more---and has been invited to events when I was told I could come if I wanted to at the last minute. I saw them 2 days last July. Her folks live there and see them daily.
—emilyanne9

Can't See My Grandchildren

My grandchildren are the most important people in my life. They love me as much as I love them. I have a narcissistic son-in-law. He always is so wonderful in public. And so evil behind closed doors. My daughter does not like his mother because she is just like her son. So my daughter refuses to see her at all. My son-in-law doesn't speak to his only sibling because he doesn't like his wife. He writes horrible texts to her. He doesn't answer his brother's calls. Now he has turned my daughter on her family. She is totally brainwashed. She knows he is a habitual liar but still listens to him. Since I spoke to the sister-in-law, I am no longer permitted to see my grandchildren because they told me I was never to speak to her because they hate her. This woman has never done anything to me, and I don't believe anything that my son-in-law tells me, because you can't. My daughter recently wrote to my husband and told him until I listen to what they tell me, I cannot see my grandchildren.
—hurt.grandma

Same Here

My niece came to drop off her payment to her mom, and we asked when she would bring our nephew to see us, since she rarely brings him and they live only a few blocks away. She's mad with us for telling on her husband to C.P.S. Now she hates us for that. I think we did the right thing since he does drugs and we hope that one day we can hire a lawyer and set times to see our only little boy that we love so much. But you know, God is looking from above and all those evil relatives will have to answer to Him since they don't want to talk about getting past this problem. They are going to face Him and explain what they did. That just makes me feel sad for them because, will they be accepted into His Kingdom? Sad Truth.
—codeman7

Not Your Babies

I've noticed that a lot of you keep saying, "These are my babies!" This is something my mother didn't understand. These were MY babies, not her second chance at motherhood. While some of you are good parents/grandparents, some of you are in denial and know you caused trouble with your children/DILs/SILs and interfered/contradicted their wishes. My mother never listened to our wishes and adamantly went against anything we said because she didn't want to have rules at grandma's house. We weren't asking a lot -- like put the kids down before 11 and don't let them stay up all night because they are unbearable the next day and fall asleep at church. This happened multiple times (along with many, many other scenarios) because she dismissed me and told me I didn't know how to raise my own children, that I was too stupid to know what to do with my kids. Sorry, but when she started telling MY CHILDREN I was wrong and stupid, and they didn't have to listen to me, things had to STOP.
—Guest Angry SAHM

Two Sides to Every Story

Yeah, I know there are selfish, hateful kids who deny their parents access to their grandchildren, but what about us who cut contact with the grandparents for good reason? My mother lied to us repeatedly, lied ABOUT us repeatedly. If she didn't get her way, she would throw a temper tantrum and start cursing at me and my husband and calling us names. If we asked her to do something (or not do something) with the kids, she would make sure to tell us that there were no rules at grandma's house, and they could damn well do whatever they wanted. She even tried to tell me that I couldn't have but 2 children; any more than that was trashy. When I tried to tell her I was pregnant with my 3rd, she went crazy and sent me a hate-filled email about how horrible I was, I shouldn't have any more kids ever, I didn't take care of the ones I have, we were nasty, etc. Would you want your kids exposed to that? Even my kid told me that "Grandma doesn't like you and Daddy much." No sympathy here!
—Guest Angry Mama

I'll Never Stop Loving You

I raised a child as my own and gave her everything. I cared for her 3 children as my own and would have died for them. She decided to relocate and changed her lifestyle and sexual preference. The children moved with her. When they visited, they told me stories of how they were being treated. I tried to inform their mother, and she ignored me. I applied for custody, and the Count became involved. Now she won't let me talk to the children and is more than disrespectful. It doesn't matter how much you give a person some traits are in their genes, and there is nothing you can do about it. It is painful because I love all of them as if I had given birth to them. I made sacrifices above and beyond. Now today she has no respect for me and has broken my heart beyond repair. She has changed me. The responsibility I take is wanting my grandchildren to have a good life and for my non-biological child to be a productive citizen in the world, being able to stand on her own and provide for her children.
—Guest brokenhearted

I Agree

My mother-in-law turned a bedroom into a nursery when I was pregnant. Her friends threw a baby shower, which I was not invited to. She kept the gifts and displayed them in her nursery. She lives about 1.5 hours from us. She expected me to leave my newborn with her for overnight visits when he was still nursing through the night. When we visited, she put a single bed in the nursery and said I could sleep there, the baby could be in the crib next to me, and my husband could be in another room in a queen-sized bed so that he could get some sleep. We co-slept and the three of us always shared a bed. She definitely had an idea of how she wanted things to go. But this is the woman who tried to plan our wedding in her hometown and who actually went to a store without telling us and registered us for items that she picked out.
—Guest Daughter in-law

Guest rachelles2000 - What Happened Next

Goodness! That sounds awful! What happened? Surely the judge hasn't agreed with grandparents rights in this instance? Why are they fighting you when you are actually already giving them time? See, this is what gives us grandparents a bad name. Some of us don't know how to grandparent and want to be co-parents. So sad.
—Guest nanatotwointutus

Mimi

My grandson and daughter are very close to me, even though I moved 1200 miles away from them last year. I feel very guilty for leaving my 9-year-old grandson, but knew I would be able to keep in close contact with him. Then his mother was incarcerated and he is now living with his father and stepmother until she is released. They won't let me talk to him on the phone and won't even consider letting me bring him to my home for a vacation this summer, even though they led my daughter to believe it would be fine. I hear nothing about my precious little boy anymore, and I worry myself sick over it. I can't stand to think of him missing his mom and me and being unhappy.
—Guest Carla

parents, stand your ground

I just went through this. My boyfriend's lunatic mother took me to court for grandparent visitation because I demanded boundaries. She was constantly undermining me as a parent and even put my daughter in danger by violating a court order and sending her off with her father to the fair (where he lost her) without consulting me. The grandmother and her husband harassed me, threatened to get custody of my children for their son, attacked my character and my parenting and made my life hell because I didn't back down. She submitted a 6-page petition to the court saying what a martyr she is and what a manipulator I am. She wanted 2 days a week with my kids and 4 days every summer. At our pre-trial conference I got the distinct impression from the judge that he was going to side with the grandparents despite the fact that I never completely cut them off. Nothing I said made any difference and he talked to me as if I was a naive little girl. So I got a lawyer.
—Guest rachelles2000

Can't Even Look at Me

I helped raise my two grandsons, ages 6 and 3. The oldest lived in my home for the first year of his life, and both lived in my home for the last year because my son lived with me and had 50/50 custody. She found out he was dating and literally stole the children, was in contempt of court for two months, not allowing them to see or speak to their father. The last two months she actually abandoned them, giving their father 100% custody while she, "got her head together." She had him arrested three times, saying he violated a PFA, and it seems in PA you don't have to prove a violation, just say it occurred and they arrest the man. They had mutual PFA's, which she constantly violated, but my son didn't want to abuse the system and have her arrested. Now because he has open criminal cases, that she brought, a judge gave my son 2 hours supervised visitation at the court house nursery. She filed 8 DHS violations this year, all unfounded.
—Guest Maureen

Look Within and Forget Your Pride

It seems that most people who have left messages on this board blame someone else for their problems and take no responsibility themselves. Look within. You are not perfect. No one is. I am estranged from my in-laws. My husband is a recovering drug addict/alcoholic. I tried to reach out for help during the height of his drug and alcohol abuse. My infant son and I were shunned and I was bad-mouthed by his mother and sister. Nearly a year later my husband, then ex-husband, finally came clean to his family. He told them that he had made me out to be crazy to cover his lies and addictions and that everything I had told them was true. He then entered a rehab facility. We are now remarried. I could reach out to his family but I haven't. I am hurt and feel that they should take the first step. That is small-minded of me but I cannot bring myself to do it. Own up to your own problems. If you aren't part of your grand children's lives, you probably had something to do with it.
—Guest Daughter in-law

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Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

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