1. Parenting

Readers Respond: Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

Responses: 172


Probably Tired of Hearing From Me!

I have had the good news that my daughter will have a child toward the end of March. As always, we are thrilled. The paternal grand is going through the same feelings I had, and I can relate. There is an issue with black mold at her home, and my daughter wants it addressed before the baby comes, which is a fair amount of time. I don't know a whole lot about its effects on an unborn child, but I sat the baby's father down tonight. I told him to tell his mama that my girl would never treat her that way, like what my son's girlfriend did to me and my husband, putting her through that hell. I can only say that it feels like a very desperate fearful feeling. They fortunately have a decent relationship. So I hope this doesn't come to a battle. That's exactly what I don't want. I want her to feel included.
—Guest devastatedmimi

To Proud Pop Pop/Heavy Heart3

Received your email. Hope you have received my reply. Hope things are a little better. To all my fellow gp's...lets all comfort each other. Take care.
—Guest devastatedmimi

To Abbisunshine

I think I remember you posting here as a parent. I am a parent of 3 kids. I have one grand and one on the way. I was a good mother and very pro-active with my first grand. His mother is an immature, controlling narcissist. I don't feel like I have rights to see him. My son and this young woman brought this child into this world, and I have a strong bond with him. If I didn't jump through her hoops, I didn't get to see my grand until I did. The grandparents that post here do it to cope with their own situation. I don't know if you are a grandparent or a bitter child who is holding a grudge. Maybe you're just trying to antagonize the grieving grandparents on here. If you are the bitter child of cold parents, go get some counseling and stop taking up valuable real estate on this site. We don't need a bully on here. We already deal with the one(s) in real life.
—Guest devastatedmimi

Comment From a Grandparent

This comment is from a grandparent regarding another article (I will include link) that I think sums up everything. "I’m a parent of three kids and grandparent of nine grandkids. What give me the rights to my grandkids? None! The kids aren’t mine, there are my kids. I do not have the right to see my grandkids, it a privies to see them. If parents don’t want their mom and dad to see their grandkids, then there something wrong with the grandparents. Don’t blame the parents. There a reason the parents don’t want their kids with their parents. With my mom and dad, they were abuses and raciest. The only time my kids were at my parents was when I or my wife was with them." I couldn't agree more!

To Proud Pop Pop/Heavy Heart

My email is shannon.jennings@rocketmail.com. Looks like I'm going to have to get my own counsel. My son went back to his girlfriend. But as many times that I've been through this with the two of them, my boundaries are set. They are clear as day. Email me and we can talk. I know how it is to be cut off completely from your grandchild.
—Guest devastatedmimi

Proud Pop Pop

Perhaps I wasn't exactly clear. I am one and the same with a Heavy Heart and Proud Pop Pop. Now we can't see the child at all, and to top it off, I believe the child's great-great-grandmother is influencing the parents by giving them misinformation and allowing them to reside in her house and permitting them to be irresponsible to her and the child. To devastatedmimi: what is your e-mail address? we can talk at length if it's OK with you. You seem knowledgeable, and may just give me the info I need. Perhaps I can give more details about the total situation. My grandchild is still dirty, hungry and neglected, and my heart is still aching to see her. I'm thinking about taking her and risking going to jail. She is truly worth it. If you can, send me your email address. Thanks.
—Guest proud pop pop/heavy heart

Grandparents Denied Contact with Grands

We did file for grandparent rights on our own in NJ, only to be denied. A grandparent has to prove harm to the children by now seeing you. It doesn't matter what you may have done for them the whole time. Our grandchildren more often than not lived with us or were with us 95% of their lives. Unfortunately at the time, DFYS was involved and don't get me started on them. I feel my son-in-law who has the children paid them. Out of the magic rabbit hat DFYS through the law guardian had an investigator who interviewed the minor children in their own bedroom without supervision, which to me was an issue. The investigator said my 13-year-old grandson told him he would emancipate himself from us. Really, what 13 year old or adult even knows that? DFYS and the law guardian buried us. Even though the judge could not rule out brainwashing, there was no proof the kids were harmed by not seeing us. It stinks, and the law needs to be changed.
—Guest Susan Van Blarcom

Fear He Is Going Back

So the past few nights my son has been coming home later than usual. This happens when he's seeing this lunatic once again. I know what will happen. I will ask simply, he will begin to try and defend his position and I will again assert my boundaries. She is never to come to my home. He will bring the baby to our home. I've had enough with her narcissism and selfishness. I will be highly disappointed if this is the one he decides to be with. Our little guy is very important. We have only just recently received the news that my daughter is pregnant. We are thrilled. But nobody will treat him any differently. E
—Guest devastatedmimi

Forgot My Email

To Heavy Heart. I told you to email me. Either you or your wife. It is shannon.jennings@rocketmail.com. Any time.
—Guest devastatedmimi

To Heavy Heart and Proud Pop Pop2

I posted a bit of advice before. This site has so much useful information. I don't know what state you are in, but there is a link on this site that tells you visitation laws by state. (It's at the very bottom of this page if you scroll down. -- S. Adcox) Just click on it, find your state and read on. Like I said, I'm not sure what the specifics of this case are, but doing nothing can hurt you more. And for the love of God stay vigilant. My mother told my son that God was going to work in his favor with his son. All it took was a good recording of her talking down to my son in front of the baby and agreeing to a set visitation. Once she knew he could play as dirty as she could, its been rainbows and lollipops. Email me if you or your wife just want to vent...because i always do...:)
—Guest devastatedmimi

To Heavy Heart and Proud Pop Pop

When CPS is involved, it's not always about the welfare of the child. It angers me to see this happen as much as it does. My advice to you is to document EVERYTHING that you can about each and every time you may see them or speak to them: pictures, video, dates, times. Get some legal advice. Maybe a free consult. Look up your states 3rd party visitation laws. I was surprised to learn that we may have to fight a little harder but that since my son and his girlfriend had not married, it makes it a bit easier to obtain visitation. Its sounds like in your case you are dealing with some sort of drug abuse on their part. All the more reason to document everything that is said, seen, etc. DO NOT stay quiet about this, especially if there is neglect. Call the police, call CPS. If nothing is done, keep doing it. Create a paper trail. This will also let the courts know that you were acting on this child's behalf for her safety, not only because she is your grandchild. Good luck. Squeaky wheel gets the grease!
—Guest devastatedmimi

Proud Pop Pop

I haven't learned to cope yet and don't know if I ever will. My heart is dying, and I'm having some bad thoughts that I don't like. It's funny but when she was here I never had any thoughts like this. Don't know what I'm gonna do. These thoughts are getting worse, and to top it all off, I feel like nobody gives a damn. Will somebody please tell me how to cope with this loss? My granddaughter was my life.
—Guest heavy heart

Pop Pop

Several days ago I posted some info on my on personal situation with my granddaughter, and I would like to thank everyone for their responses. I appreciated all the comments, so today I want to say this will probably be my last post. My heart just can't take thinking about my precious granddaughter being in the hands of two idiots. Yesterday I heard from her, and she started out by saying, "Hungry, Pop Pop, hungry." It killed me, and I cried for about two hours. I just don't know what to do. I can't let her parents manipulate me and my wife like this. We are sincerely thinking of foster caring for another unfortunate child with the intent of maybe adopting. We have so much love to give and a fair financial situation, so why not give something back to our community to some child who will truly appreciate it? Is this selfish? We miss her so much and feel so sorry about being so helpless. Her parents make me sick to my stomach. We know that if we do this, it will probably change our relationship with her forever.
—Guest Heavy Heart

I KNOW Your Pain

Hi to Heavy Heart: Get an attorney and go to court for grandparent visitation rights. We helped our teen daughter raise my grandson; then when she wanted to move on with a loser guy, she wanted us out. Well, too bad. We got standing in the court because he lived with us and we watched him a lot. So now we get him 8 days a month. She and her boyfriend don't like it, but, oh well, don't put a child in our lives and then just expect us to forget. Stay strong and go to court.
—Guest L. Finnigan

Heavy Heart

My granddaughter was taken from us 14 days ago, after our having had her since she was ten days old. My soul was ripped from my body. This stemmed from a basic disagreement. Her mom showed up with the authorities and her stepmom demanding her child. CPS in this town I live in is a joke. They notify the parents of when they are coming to inspect their home. If they do and say all the right things for a day or so, then it's right back to business as usual -- moving from place to place, not looking for work and out of control use. All the while my grandbaby is dirty, hungry and neglected. It just keeps me crying all day every day. Somebody please tell us what to do. I've told my wife to give them money, and she does. They bring my granddaughter back until the money is gone, then they return to take her back again. I truly would like to cut both the parents' heads off so that I can see how they think. How could they deny such a beautiful girl an opportunity to grow up healthy and allow her to be the best she could be?
—Guest proud pops

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