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Readers Respond: Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

Responses: 130

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Won't Move

My son lives 2 and 1/2 hours away. He wants us to relocate. It's not that easy. He said if we don't, we can't see our 6-month-old granddaughter any more. So heart-broken!
—Guest tammy tomson

How Can We Reunite?

I would like to suggest that a way to regain contact with a child be that a grandchild or otherwise is to rebuild trust in the relationship with the child's parent. In my case it's my mother's resolute refusal to build our relationship to the point that we are civil whilst in each others presence that makes me feel I have no choice but to deny her access to both me and her grandchildren. I won't allow my children to be witness to the awful upset and hurtful comments that happen every time I see her. No child should have to witness that. I'm attempting, through mediation, to reach this point, but my mother's refusal to have anything to do with me and displays of anger at every contact we have are what led me to deny contact seven years ago, and the continuation of that attitude is what may lead to the failure of our mediation sessions. Unless she can let go of her anger toward me, we cannot move forward. Some of the posts here express much anger. Can you turn a new page for contact with the child?
—kat3lyn

Afraid for the Children

Like every grandparent out there, I have three little ones that I haven't seen in 16 months. My son and his wife live seven miles from my home. We would see the children at least three times a week and even raised the oldest granddaughter, who is now 9. I think it's the generation of using their children as pawns, because this is what they are doing. Both my son of 31 years of age and his wife have anger problems and are very verbally abusive towards each other and their children. When problems arise and they are confront, they snap back and take the children away as a punishment. They have also done this to my daughter-in-law's parents four years ago, and they act like nothing has happened. My biggest fear is the the children are being hurt, and we have to sit there and let it go on because the laws tells us that we have to. If anyone knows how to stop this, I'm from the state of Louisiana, please contact me.
—Guest sUSAN gAUTHREAUX

Missing

We have not seen our grandchildren for two months now, and boy does it hurt. I have never had this kind of pain before. I know that a lot of grandparents are in the some boat as we are. To me what is so sad about it all is the love and caring the children are missing from grandparents. I am not sure the parents know what kind of damage they're causing. Yes, I understand that the parents are the ones who are to make the decisions for the children, but I sometimes think that the parents do not stop to think before they make heartbroken separates of grandchildren and grandparents. Like myself--my heart is so broken, and I cannot stop the tears or the ache in my heart. I just try to take each day one at a time and pray to God that one day we will be able to see, love and have fun together again. Our love for them will never die, no matter what.
—Guest so sad

A Broken Heart and Missing So Very Much

I have two grandkids who have been taken away from me and their papa. We have been very much in their lives until now. Their mother (our son's ex-girlfriend) will not let us see or have contact with them anymore. She is using a quarrel their papa and her new boyfriend had about two months ago. It is a long story to tell, but I have a broken heart and feel as if my own children have been torn out of my heart. We were very close to our grandchildren and they were very close to us. We have loved them and raised them from the moment of their birth. and now we cannot see or hear from them. It is so hard not to know what is happening in their lives and not to be able to hug, kiss and give them our love. I hope one day we will have them back in our lives and we will be in theirs.
—Guest broken heart grandmother

I Was Sued by My Parents!

I have read all the posts so far and I want to reinforce this to those grandparents out there forcing visits or custody against their own adult child's wishes. All these grandparents have to understand there is no perfect parent. Some things you learn as you go. It frustrates me that my mother sues me for custody of my only child & her only grandson all at the expense of losing her relationship with me as her son. I've made mistakes, just as she did raising me. But i feel like I don't have the right to choose who I have in my son's life. Instead of working on our relationship she rather sue me and cause all these expenses. It's clear there is no trust between us. I never thought my own mother was logging all my mistakes and plotting behind my back. I won the custody case but now she is suing me for modified visitation soooo when does it end?
—Guest unknown

Daughter-in-law

My daughter-in-law loves playing mind games. She is a master of manipulation. My grandchildren won't come near me when she's around. I first thought maybe it's the kids just wanting their mom, but no. There's another grandparent whom the kids are resistant to as well. When the kids will go around hugging everyone in the room but refuse to come near their own grandparent, something is wrong. When the kids are away from their mother, they are loving and are talking to me. It's wonderful. But when their mother is around, they won't come to me, and they totally reject me. They behave this way with another grandparent as well. My heart goes out to this granddad because I saw the same pain on his face as I have on mine. My DIL doesn't seem to care if she is hurting these kids to get at me and to get at the other grandparent. She will pay for this dearly when those kids get older. They will hate her for this. And I feel sad for her, the granddad, myself and most of all those boys. It's wrong!
—Guest Jane

So Sad

I miss my sweet baby boy. His mother took him out of state. She left in the middle of the night. She is staying with he elderly stepfather and now he doesn't have his back yard, his room, all his toys, all the people he has ever known and loved that love him dearly. His mother is lazy. I worry she won't get up with him or treat him right. She is always on her phone texting or playing games instead of interacting with him. I just pray to God to have angels surround him and keep him safe.
—Guest Nonny

Sad in Wisconsin

Last August I was at the birth of my very first grandchild. The experience was a combination of a really bad time and wow here is my grandson. I traveled six hours for his birth only to be faced with my sons GF at the time family's hatred towards me for reasons I still to this day have no clue about. After I arrived back home, I was faced with the fact my husband had lost his job and I was unable to do anything at that time to send a gift for my grandson. I still have two kids living with us. Now just the other day I asked my son's ex when I might be able to see my grandson and she pretty much said no way she thought I was off my rocker. She stated the other day that she is going to file papers against my son to change my grandson's last name and try and terminate his rights. My grandson is 8 months old. I am just stunned that I as a grandparent have to file papers with the courts just to see MY flesh and blood. This is by far worse than going through a divorce. All because she is mad at my son.
—gmalisa

Daughter Is Mentally Il

I am a grandmother of two beautiful children. I am not able to see them currently. I may luck out and get to see them only thru others, and when my daughter feels like it again. But now she has crossed the line and my grandchildren are at risk. I have been guilty of bailing her out too many times, but this time, I will only bail out and stand up for my grandchildren. Getting too old to have my heart continuously broken and too old to worry about their welfare. Wish i could get her help, but you cannot force them to get help. I am sick, sick of it all and grow weary with all the hurt and pain put upon me by her actions and words. Happy I found this site, sad that others have to experience the same thing, but glad to know I am not alone.
—Guest Gannie

Cut Off and Still Considered Family

My son married a young woman and they live with my grandchild next door to her family. They are very close to her family. Over the last month they cut off all connections with my husband and I. Now we are invited to the grandchild's birthday. Do we go? How do we act? The grandchild is a toddler. How do you pretend everything is fine? My heart hurts. How do you get over this?
—Guest Jeanne

Coming from the D-I-L

A few words to the grandparents: You have to respect your child's parenting and authority. Give the family space and time to be a family, and just love your grandchild. I was called a baby carrier by my mother-in-law, and she always just dropped by as she pleased. I had to hide in my room and pretend I wasn't home. She was too overbearing. She told me once a week to see the grandkids was good. I always felt everything happening was decided by her. I just had a baby and wanted time to learn myself how to mother and to adjust to being a parent. We have come a long way since then. She is an amazing woman and I love her. We were both just learning and adjusting, but she realized she couldn't always hold the reins and we need our space and respect for our parental authority. I wish you grandparents all the best. Make sure you show the son- or daughter-in-law some love and have some one-on-one time too. You need to bond. Good luck. Maybe mail an apology even if you aren't wrong. If you get a response, it's worth it, right?
—Guest kayla

Help

My daughter has turned my grandkids against me. Their ages are 14, 12 and 8. I babysat for them 2-3 days a week. I was called the BEST GRANDMA EVER! Can't cope!! Do you think because they are older grandkids they will remember all the happy times and come back to me when they are out of their parents' influence?
—Guest Sherry

Addressed to Lone Parent - Now No GP

I could have written your post! I had a wonderful relationship with my son, or so I thought, as I was raising him as a "single mom." He met then married a young woman that looked at me and treated me like she hated me on sight. I kept waiting for him to stop it but that started in 1995, they married in 1997, I have three grandkids and don't even know them. I kept my first grandchild for 3 1/2 years starting when he was two weeks old while they worked locally. In 2003 they moved 1000 miles away, and it has been a nightmare ever since. She was determined to keep us out of "her" family and not to share "her" kids with me and his older brother. For reasons I don't understand, my son didn't put a stop to it. It's been almost a year now since we were able to talk to them on the phone and we've been so hurt it's made us ill. Especially with the child we got to know. He just started fading until now he is gone.
—Guest Sandiw

Helping You With Coping

Hello. I am here also. I have not seen my non-biological 3 y/o grand daughter in 5 months. It is the cruelest act I have ever witnessed. I do accept it the way waterfalls can't go up. In my heart she will always be my granddaughter. I keep moving forward. If anything I think I still make her proud. I know she still loves me. Please you need to move forward. Never forget them and celebrate them. But you must take care of you. It is your family's lie to live. The cover-up is worse then the crime.
—Guest Dan

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Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

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