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Readers Respond: Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

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Grandparents Denied Contact with Grands

We did file for grandparent rights on our own in NJ, only to be denied. A grandparent has to prove harm to the children by now seeing you. It doesn't matter what you may have done for them the whole time. Our grandchildren more often than not lived with us or were with us 95% of their lives. Unfortunately at the time, DFYS was involved and don't get me started on them. I feel my son-in-law who has the children paid them. Out of the magic rabbit hat DFYS through the law guardian had an investigator who interviewed the minor children in their own bedroom without supervision, which to me was an issue. The investigator said my 13-year-old grandson told him he would emancipate himself from us. Really, what 13 year old or adult even knows that? DFYS and the law guardian buried us. Even though the judge could not rule out brainwashing, there was no proof the kids were harmed by not seeing us. It stinks, and the law needs to be changed.
—Guest Susan Van Blarcom

Fear He Is Going Back

So the past few nights my son has been coming home later than usual. This happens when he's seeing this lunatic once again. I know what will happen. I will ask simply, he will begin to try and defend his position and I will again assert my boundaries. She is never to come to my home. He will bring the baby to our home. I've had enough with her narcissism and selfishness. I will be highly disappointed if this is the one he decides to be with. Our little guy is very important. We have only just recently received the news that my daughter is pregnant. We are thrilled. But nobody will treat him any differently. E
—Guest devastatedmimi

Forgot My Email

To Heavy Heart. I told you to email me. Either you or your wife. It is shannon.jennings@rocketmail.com. Any time.
—Guest devastatedmimi

To Heavy Heart and Proud Pop Pop2

I posted a bit of advice before. This site has so much useful information. I don't know what state you are in, but there is a link on this site that tells you visitation laws by state. (It's at the very bottom of this page if you scroll down. -- S. Adcox) Just click on it, find your state and read on. Like I said, I'm not sure what the specifics of this case are, but doing nothing can hurt you more. And for the love of God stay vigilant. My mother told my son that God was going to work in his favor with his son. All it took was a good recording of her talking down to my son in front of the baby and agreeing to a set visitation. Once she knew he could play as dirty as she could, its been rainbows and lollipops. Email me if you or your wife just want to vent...because i always do...:)
—Guest devastatedmimi

To Heavy Heart and Proud Pop Pop

When CPS is involved, it's not always about the welfare of the child. It angers me to see this happen as much as it does. My advice to you is to document EVERYTHING that you can about each and every time you may see them or speak to them: pictures, video, dates, times. Get some legal advice. Maybe a free consult. Look up your states 3rd party visitation laws. I was surprised to learn that we may have to fight a little harder but that since my son and his girlfriend had not married, it makes it a bit easier to obtain visitation. Its sounds like in your case you are dealing with some sort of drug abuse on their part. All the more reason to document everything that is said, seen, etc. DO NOT stay quiet about this, especially if there is neglect. Call the police, call CPS. If nothing is done, keep doing it. Create a paper trail. This will also let the courts know that you were acting on this child's behalf for her safety, not only because she is your grandchild. Good luck. Squeaky wheel gets the grease!
—Guest devastatedmimi

Proud Pop Pop

I haven't learned to cope yet and don't know if I ever will. My heart is dying, and I'm having some bad thoughts that I don't like. It's funny but when she was here I never had any thoughts like this. Don't know what I'm gonna do. These thoughts are getting worse, and to top it all off, I feel like nobody gives a damn. Will somebody please tell me how to cope with this loss? My granddaughter was my life.
—Guest heavy heart

Pop Pop

Several days ago I posted some info on my on personal situation with my granddaughter, and I would like to thank everyone for their responses. I appreciated all the comments, so today I want to say this will probably be my last post. My heart just can't take thinking about my precious granddaughter being in the hands of two idiots. Yesterday I heard from her, and she started out by saying, "Hungry, Pop Pop, hungry." It killed me, and I cried for about two hours. I just don't know what to do. I can't let her parents manipulate me and my wife like this. We are sincerely thinking of foster caring for another unfortunate child with the intent of maybe adopting. We have so much love to give and a fair financial situation, so why not give something back to our community to some child who will truly appreciate it? Is this selfish? We miss her so much and feel so sorry about being so helpless. Her parents make me sick to my stomach. We know that if we do this, it will probably change our relationship with her forever.
—Guest Heavy Heart

I KNOW Your Pain

Hi to Heavy Heart: Get an attorney and go to court for grandparent visitation rights. We helped our teen daughter raise my grandson; then when she wanted to move on with a loser guy, she wanted us out. Well, too bad. We got standing in the court because he lived with us and we watched him a lot. So now we get him 8 days a month. She and her boyfriend don't like it, but, oh well, don't put a child in our lives and then just expect us to forget. Stay strong and go to court.
—Guest L. Finnigan

Heavy Heart

My granddaughter was taken from us 14 days ago, after our having had her since she was ten days old. My soul was ripped from my body. This stemmed from a basic disagreement. Her mom showed up with the authorities and her stepmom demanding her child. CPS in this town I live in is a joke. They notify the parents of when they are coming to inspect their home. If they do and say all the right things for a day or so, then it's right back to business as usual -- moving from place to place, not looking for work and out of control use. All the while my grandbaby is dirty, hungry and neglected. It just keeps me crying all day every day. Somebody please tell us what to do. I've told my wife to give them money, and she does. They bring my granddaughter back until the money is gone, then they return to take her back again. I truly would like to cut both the parents' heads off so that I can see how they think. How could they deny such a beautiful girl an opportunity to grow up healthy and allow her to be the best she could be?
—Guest proud pops

Closer Than Ever

I have posted here countless times. My grandson's mother has a serious screw loose. She would come to my house and say things like "I had a dream that A--- died" or "I had a dream that he fell out of a window." These are not things a mother would ever utter. I'm concerned now with our little guy's safety. My son says it's nothing, but there is something seriously wrong with her. My son only has contact with her if it's about the baby. Other than that, nothing. He's asserted his rights and has finally hammered out regular visitation. I'm happy to say that -- so far so good. My grandson and I are closer than ever. When I hear him come in the house, I yell, "Hey! Is that my friend?" And he runs to me. We are pals. But I always feel like it's the calm before the storm. This past week she wasn't home when my son took the baby back. So he brought him to me. I took him shopping. She threatened to have the police arrest me if I didn't have him back in 20 minutes. She's not playing with a full deck.
—Guest devastatedmimi

WHY

My son and his girlfriend asked if they could live with us for a while after the birth of our first grandson. We gladly said yes. Our grandson was just 1 month old. Within less than 3 months we had our first of many upsets. Each time we were threatened with them moving out. We walked on eggshells for 10 months so not to upset her. I babysat while she started an in-home business or traveled to see friends. We all got the norovirus while she was away. I crawled to help take care of my son and grandson. She got a stripping job in neighboring state and lied about what she was doing. We were asked to act like we didn't know what was going on. She owes a lot of money in back child support for her 9-year-old son. She still gets visitation for him. My son was looking at getting a second job part time so she wouldn't strip. She wanted a $5,000 ring. They moved to my mother's 3 months ago and we are dead to them.
—Guest Sharon

Beyond Words

My daughter and I aren't close, but for the last 2+ yrs I have been seeing my granddaughter. A short time ago she decided she couldn't part with her because she was afraid of missing out on something. When I asked to take her, she made excuses. She keeps telling me to come there and visit. It is 70 miles, and my SSD does not allow me to drive that often. She kept telling me to tell her dates when I want her. I came up with 4 dates, and she made excuses for every one. So I came up with certain dates for a year in advance, and she won't even address that. She told me she wanted me out of her life and added a few choice words. She has embarrassed me so many times in the past, and I feel it's better to cut ties with her for my health's sake. I can't keep not knowing if I will ever see her. She is so jealous of my son and grandson. My grandson and I have an awesome relationship because my son lets me spend so much time with him, and he lived states away. I just need to correspond with someone who can relate -- don't need to post.
—someonesgrandma

I Keep Trying, Until...

I dont even know where to begin. My daughter hates me. My granddaughter is 4 years old. She can't spell her name, does not know the alphabet or how to count. My daughter is in an extremely abusive relationship, but she's 23 and thinks she knows everything. I have helped with my granddaughter since the day she was born, and we have a very special relationship. My daughter uses her as a weapon against me to get what she wants. She sends me texts and tells me to take my meds and overdose and die because her life would be so much better. I have actually let her get to me to the point that I wanted to. I also have a son and have a beautiful grandson that I don't spend nearly as much time as I should because my daughter overwhelms me so much. I worry about my granddaughter every day. Her parents are not married, her mother's boyfriend is abusive, can't keep a job and has now become abusive to me as well. My daughter has always used the baby as a weapon against me. The last time she cut me off, it was for 3 months.
—gmalori

Stop Crying!

My eldest son doesn't understand why I cry when this stuff happens. "Ya'll know what she's gonna do. I don't know why you act like it's such a big surprise when it happens. Stop crying over it. It annoying." That makes me feel worse because now I have to walk on eggshells around him or hide myself away in my room. I miss my little guy just as much as I would miss him. Is it okay to cry and show my emotions or better to keep them to myself?
—Guest devastatedmimi

Step Grandchildren Count Too!

All of my previous posts have been about being unable to see a biological grandson. My eldest son's girlfriend has two children from previous relationships. We have grown close to them because I'm a very loving grandmother and make sure they get lots of hugs and kisses. The oldest one is 7 years old. He's a harder nut to crack. By looking at my son you would never think he was the fatherly type. Tall, shaved head, beard but no mustache and loaded with tattoos. But these kids love him, especially the youngest. My son has been dealing with being put down, called lazy, he never does anything -- so forth, so on. Today he found out that his girlfriend had to rush the youngest to the ER because he drank a bottle of scented oils. He was furious that she didn't call him. She said, "Well, you're not his father." My son ended the relationship right then and there. It was a slap in the face. I never had these children at my home alone, only when mom was around, but they got used to all the hugs and kisses. Now I have no grandchildren.
—Guest devastatedmimi

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Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

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