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Readers Respond: Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

Responses: 125

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Guest Grandmother

My daughter has three beautiful children. She and her three children (my grandchildren) had lived with me since the youngest, Nicholas, was born in 2005. After I was in a bad accident and my daughter befriended the father of the girl that I hit, my daughter will not permit me to see my grandchildren. My daughter is very evil. She has brainwashed all three of my grandchildren. Also she has taken their savings accounts when she gets low and spends them. I opened savings accounts for all of them after I evicted her from my house. (The grandchildren were not evicted.) She is storming mad because I will not turn the savings accounts control to her. I will not do this. My grandchildren's Christmas presents are still wrapped and unopened in my living room because she is vicious and mean. In March my son and his wife gave me a beautiful grandson whom I do not get to see as much as I would like, only because they live out of state.
—Guest Shirley

My Precious Granddaughter (6 years old)

My grandchild and I bonded the very day we were allowed to meet. I met her when she was 2. Myself and Son were not allowed to be part of her life due to ignorant insecure emotions and nothing more. (Feelings are not facts.) I pray our young parents of these sorry times think long and hard before having children. I say this because, as America can very well see, when young parents break up and there are little human beings involved (through no fault of their own), the children, as we all know, are the first to have sufferings invested in all aspects of their tender beings, resulting in the Merry-Go-Round we see today. When parents are not mature enough and harbor hateful resentments, they breed sad consequences and dysfunctional unhealthy decisions. My grandchild needs my love too. How do I know this? She showed me so.
—Guest Edmy

Addicts

I have been cut off from my grandchild because I won't allow my young child to be around two drug addicts in the family who have escalated their problems to violence and assaults at family events. The family keeps making excuses for them. My granddaughter was terrorized by the incident, yet when I cut off contact from the relatives causing the problem, my daughter cut off contact with me. The advice "Apologize anyway" probably makes sense in most cases, but wouldn't help in mine. I won't risk my young child's safety because the family continues to enable the addict whose behavior has turned unpredictably violent. I am stunned that my daughter has taken the action she has taken, given that her own child was a victim of this attack. She herself is very young and has been entangled with the addicts, the law and more. I suspect her loyalty comes from substance abuse, not rational decision making. There is no apology to be made for protecting my child from this insanity.
—Guest baffled

Son's Overbearing Wife-Wannabe

They use the children as weapons because there is no way to hurt grandparents other than by banning the grandchildren from them. I hate my son's wife-wannabe so much that I don't want her name in my mouth! She has a screw loose, is abusive mentally, verbally and sometimes physically to my grandson and has been for years! My son has a job that takes him away from home several months out of the year. I may add that she is NOT the mother of my grandson, yet when I call her out on her abuse with my grandson, then there is a big argument and she tries to hide or isolate my grandson from me. (I get along fine with his real mom.) She bullies my grandson behind my son's back. My son doesn't believe me or anyone about the abuse. See, everyone is lying but her! She has called me vulgar names in front of the kids. There is more to the story, of course, but I am seriously considering going to court for visitation / grandparents' rights!
—Guest Dee

At My Wits' End.

I just read a post here that someone here thinks most grandparents think they are entitled to be with their grandchildren. That is not what I have read here. I read the message of grandparents genuinely concerned about their grandchildren. My Own Story. My daughter is 28 and totally irresponsible. She tried to commit suicide when she found out she was pregnant seven years ago. My husband and I have gone almost 100k in debt supporting the two of them because we cannot put an innocent child on the street. I have 10k worth of repairs needed in my home because my daughter thinks a 6 / 7 year old is self sufficient and can do laundry by herself, take mud baths in my Jacuzzi with the jets on, etc. My daughter sleeps until noon. If I am not home to take care of the granddaughter, she has to feed herself. Now my daughter wants to get married and move out, and I know what will follow. No Visitation. I will have to go to court for custody to protect an innocent child.
—Guest Granny K

Angry Daughter

My daughter and her live-in boyfriend (number 4 that my 3-year-old grandson has experienced) have been caught in a lie because I went to their house to pick up my grandson, whom I was babysitting. These two are not responsible. They are both immature, but in their eyes, they are God's gift to this child. They got mad at me for exposing their lies and immediately came and took him from me. This is always threatened when they are upset at me for being honest. I am so sad for my grandson. He doesn't know why he can't visit (other than whatever crap they tell him). I am heartsick. She is stubborn and will put him with any free day care rather than make up with me ... so cruel to her own child.
—Guest Nana

Sad Broken Grandmother

My first grandson KC was taken by the state of NC before he was 2 years old. He has been in their custody for almost 2 years now. Ever since he was born, I would babysit him while my daughter and SIL would go out. Then in Nov of 2013 my daughter had Jovian. I coached her through the birth and changed his first diaper and dressed him. DSS came in and took him, too. My oldest grandson had a extremely high meth level when he was taken. I fought in court and lost, for my mentally disabled daughter (who has been in a mental health hospital) lied and said my husband molested her. So now I will never see my grandsons, and they are facing public adoption. I cry every day and I feel like I am dead on the inside. I love my grandsons with all my heart. Government officials turned their heads and walked away.
—Guest Clara

Given Up

My son married a girl who on my wedding day publicly told me and my guests that she hated me. She didn’t even know me -- had seen me twice before and had never spoken to me. She knew only that my bride was her aunt by adoption. This girl was raised to hate her aunt and then told me she hated me. When my son was dating her, he knew there were problems, but he was brainwashed and turned against my wife and me. His wife and in-laws told my son he is not allowed to see me, nor can we see our granddaughter. My son's wife makes up lies, reconfigures everything people say to her, and is very hateful. She has been extremely controlling, bullying and hateful to people all her life, according to family members. We have asked our son to go to counseling, to work out whatever all this hate is he now has. (We had no hate issues before she came into our lives.) He refused and told us his wife said that our granddaughter is not safe with us and will get hurt. We told him he knows that is wrong, and he agreed.
—Guest Beaten Down

Enough

If she loved them, it would be different. She doesn't. She is not capable of the truth. My grandchildren suffer. She lies, cheats, steals, does drugs, multiple partners, and so does her mother. If she loved the children, she would let them go. Let my son have the children. Your brother and sister wear scars from your and your mother's neglect and abuse. Let my grandchildren go. Why harm them in your evil deeds? Do your drugs, have your multiple partners, do your thing, show some dignity! Let the children go! If you will do that now, I will stand for you when you are done as an advocate for you. I will always speak your praise. I will always pray for goodness and mercy. But continue to harm these children as you are doing and I will forever look past you with my compassion and always speak an abundance of truth when I speak your name. These babies have suffered enough.
—Guest Guest Gams

Not Seen My Granddaughter in a Year

Grandchild's mother has moved, and we don't know where. My husband and I could call her; now we can't. That was our only involvement in her life. Now the mother has taken the child out of school, not telling her daddy, and we have no idea where the mother has taken the child. No one will help us. We have no money for an attorney. The mother and granddaughter lived in Plano, and they won't put out an Amber alert .
—Guest janice wright

Won't Move

My son lives 2 and 1/2 hours away. He wants us to relocate. It's not that easy. He said if we don't, we can't see our 6-month-old granddaughter any more. So heart-broken!
—Guest tammy tomson

How Can We Reunite?

I would like to suggest that a way to regain contact with a child be that a grandchild or otherwise is to rebuild trust in the relationship with the child's parent. In my case it's my mother's resolute refusal to build our relationship to the point that we are civil whilst in each others presence that makes me feel I have no choice but to deny her access to both me and her grandchildren. I won't allow my children to be witness to the awful upset and hurtful comments that happen every time I see her. No child should have to witness that. I'm attempting, through mediation, to reach this point, but my mother's refusal to have anything to do with me and displays of anger at every contact we have are what led me to deny contact seven years ago, and the continuation of that attitude is what may lead to the failure of our mediation sessions. Unless she can let go of her anger toward me, we cannot move forward. Some of the posts here express much anger. Can you turn a new page for contact with the child?
—kat3lyn

Afraid for the Children

Like every grandparent out there, I have three little ones that I haven't seen in 16 months. My son and his wife live seven miles from my home. We would see the children at least three times a week and even raised the oldest granddaughter, who is now 9. I think it's the generation of using their children as pawns, because this is what they are doing. Both my son of 31 years of age and his wife have anger problems and are very verbally abusive towards each other and their children. When problems arise and they are confront, they snap back and take the children away as a punishment. They have also done this to my daughter-in-law's parents four years ago, and they act like nothing has happened. My biggest fear is the the children are being hurt, and we have to sit there and let it go on because the laws tells us that we have to. If anyone knows how to stop this, I'm from the state of Louisiana, please contact me.
—Guest sUSAN gAUTHREAUX

Missing

We have not seen our grandchildren for two months now, and boy does it hurt. I have never had this kind of pain before. I know that a lot of grandparents are in the some boat as we are. To me what is so sad about it all is the love and caring the children are missing from grandparents. I am not sure the parents know what kind of damage they're causing. Yes, I understand that the parents are the ones who are to make the decisions for the children, but I sometimes think that the parents do not stop to think before they make heartbroken separates of grandchildren and grandparents. Like myself--my heart is so broken, and I cannot stop the tears or the ache in my heart. I just try to take each day one at a time and pray to God that one day we will be able to see, love and have fun together again. Our love for them will never die, no matter what.
—Guest so sad

A Broken Heart and Missing So Very Much

I have two grandkids who have been taken away from me and their papa. We have been very much in their lives until now. Their mother (our son's ex-girlfriend) will not let us see or have contact with them anymore. She is using a quarrel their papa and her new boyfriend had about two months ago. It is a long story to tell, but I have a broken heart and feel as if my own children have been torn out of my heart. We were very close to our grandchildren and they were very close to us. We have loved them and raised them from the moment of their birth. and now we cannot see or hear from them. It is so hard not to know what is happening in their lives and not to be able to hug, kiss and give them our love. I hope one day we will have them back in our lives and we will be in theirs.
—Guest broken heart grandmother

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Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

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