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Readers Respond: Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

Responses: 498

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DYFS please help

I helped raise my 4-year-old grandson. He spent more hours with me than anyone else. Each time my single 25-year-old daughter gets involved with a man, he comes last. Manic decisions. Missing money, not going to work. 8 weeks into a new relationship with a married 43-year-old man 3x married, he was arrested for possession of child porn. I flipped. He spent 10 days in jail. Now daughter is talking of HER little family, and he wants to come home (to her house). Over my dead body. She is a compulsive liar. I got her help but she is not doing what she was told. I have done everything for her and my grandson. He is my life. I called her out on her poor dangerous decisions, so now I am the crazy psycho mom. She is possibly bipolar and seeks attention from men regularly. I love her but can't help her anymore. She changed her number and I was told I am not welcome nor am I to see my grandson. Her bf admitted he downloaded porn for 7-8 yrs and yes "only" his words. teenage porn, I don't need a verdict. He is guilty.
—Guest Imntdun

Missing Grandchildren

I want to see my son's grand daughters more than life itself. I know they love and miss me as I do them. I just can't take the PAIN anymore. It's too much. I have been praying and asking God to help me. I just can't go on anymore. Too much pain. Knowing they don't know why I am gone, why I am no longer coming over, and whether I stopped loving them is what is too painful. I have to leave this evil horrible place.
—Guest L buckster

Not My First Go-Around

I went through estrangement from my only sibling when I was 18. I did not see her for many years due to my mother's hatefulness. So obviously this is something I fear very much with my grandchild, whose mother is very unpredictable and controlling. I will not let this drive me to emotional instability as it did when I was a young adult. You can worry yourself sick, and it won't help the grandchild a bit. It turns out my mother had and still has a mental illness. I beat myself up and felt like I was nothing for quite some time after losing my sister. It was not worth it. My sister knows the truth now. She lived it. Sure, it is not fair, but we play the hand we're dealt. Do all you can for your grandchildren, but don't let it put you in an early grave. You have to look out for yourselves.
—VivianBlack

My Son Passed

My son passed in 1996. Six months later his wife took the children to Big Timber, Montana, and we have not seen them since. Shortly after that the Supreme Court said something about grandparents not having rights. I did locate her about 8 years ago, and she said this was how she chose to raise her kids and she did not want contact with us. Coping has been a struggle. We are in the process of trying to contact our now 22-year-old grandson. We find that we must consider her state of mind when she saw her husband pass with cancer at 27 years old. I'm sure it was difficult to relive that terrible time every time she saw us. Coping? Not really. The reality is that we have missed our grandchildren terribly. The pain has not stopped, not one day. Our belief is that God is a God of reconciliation and we will have our whole family back together again at some point. Please pray for His will.
—coniworley

Let It Be

I suggest grandparents stand up and fight for the right to see grandchildren. They need us :)
—BrokenGma

Help Me Find a Way...

Please help me to gain rights. I don't know what to do.
—Guest Paula Montgomery

Mrs

My daughter has cut me out of her life and will not give a reason. I have tried everything. Now she is a mum. I was not allowed at the baby shower or near the hospital. My grandson is nearly 2. I have met him 5 times. The pain is too hard to describe. I work 7 days a week just to escape the pain. I look at grandparents down the street with their grandchildren, and I don't know whether to be happy for them or to be envious. All I know is the only thing I would be guilty of is loving and spoiling my grandson. Signed, Completely HeartBroken
—Guest Dianne Jones

Is It Autism?

I have just one daughter and son-in-law. They have a beautiful autistic daughter who is mostly non-verbal. I adore her, and so does my husband. We were all so very close, but then she started saying and doing sexual things that would shock me. I did not trust her dad. My daughter caught him looking at porn, and his stepmother said he couldn't be trusted. I called CPS and reported it. The investigation lasted for months, and they found him innocent. My husband is dying now and would love to see our granddaughter. We have suffered through this loss for almost 3 years now. My son-in-law happens to be a counselor for children.
—Guest sad grandma

Cannot See Grandson

My son and the mother of my grandson were never a couple. Their dates consisted of every few weeks hooking up in her bedroom or his. They never went out anywhere. My 16-month-old grandson lives with mommy. She denies us, his grandparents, visits. My son, the baby's father, gets a 2-hour visit every Wednesday with her tagging along. They go to Walmart or Tim Hortons. No one-on-one bonding between daddy and son! She bullied my son to give her sole custody because the baby lives with her and her parents. She is controlling, and it's always her rules, her rules, and we are left out of everything. No birthday, no Christmas -- nothing for us, but everything for her family. So unfair and cruel! And she tells my son we are not allowed to ask him about our grandson. We can only speak to HER about our grandson.
—grammywannabe

We Don't Deserve This

This is one of the most difficult things we've ever gone through. We are trying to comfort each other, but I grieve a lot more than what my husband sees. It's becoming unbearable, and I never thought I could, but it's making me almost hate my own son.
—Guest devastated mimi

I Don't Care Any More

I feel the same way -- not appreciated by my selfish kids, and not from just one child of mine but four. Especially my oldest daughter and my youngest daughter. My oldest grandson just told me that my oldest daughter's new husband told him that they weren't going to be allowed to come over here any more because I told my daughter off about my two-year-old grandson who is allowed to disrespect them and me. All the other kids get in trouble if they say one bad thing to the two-year-old because they say he doesn't know better. Yes, he does.
—Guest always my fault

My Grandkids Are Paying

It has been a year now since the last time I saw my grandkids, and the pain is unbearable. I'm suffering alone because nobody cares like I care for them. I'm surrounded by people who don't know how much I miss them, especially on holidays. The thought of their not been able to see me is tearing me apart. I know they want answers, but nobody cares. We spent lots of time toqether. I drove 6 hours just so that they could spend two or three weeks with me. This was every holiday. I know they miss that. Now I don't know where they are.
—Guest Aracelis

Nobody Knows

I love my grandson Aidan. He and I have been through so much together. I don't think he is okay, and I know I am not. Nobody understands.
—Guest Kathleen Burgess

Heartbroken

I took care of my granddaughters until they were 5 and 1. Now there's also a grandson, but my daughter won't let me see them at all. I disagreed with something they were doing, and I'm being "punished." I am heartbroken, and angry. My mother had very little to do with my children, and I know how it affected them, but my daughter still refuses to let me be a part of their lives. It's very immature, selfish and cruel.
—Guest grandma

Please Consider This

I truly feel horrible for grandparents that have lost their children and are now being barred from seeing their grandchildren and for those that have children or children in-laws that are addicts that blackmail them for access to their grandkids; but many of these posts reek of such undue entitlement that its disgusting. Many of these posts seem completely irrespective of the parents' rights to parent their children as they see fit. Please try to respect the fact that your children are hopefully capable adults if you reared them properly. Your children having children is not your second chance to parent either your children or grandchildren. Nor are children born with any job but to grow into well-adjusted adults, and it is their parents' job to get them there. I understand all of the "broken" hearts out there, but understand when you say that, it's like saying your grandchildren are supposed to be your emotional medicine. What horrible pressure to put on a child to be responsible for an adult!
—Guest Some mother

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Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

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