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Readers Respond: Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

Responses: 130



My daughter just had a baby boy June 18. She and her husband will not let me see my grandson. They told me to leave them alone. I am trying to reach out to her, but she lets her husband control her. He said if I come to their house, he will have me arrested for trying to see my grandson. As much I have done for her and her husband -- let her stay with me, paid for food and paid for a motel because they didn't have a place to go. It cost me $390 plus more. So can I get the law involved or take them to court?
—Guest cythia

Sad, Heartbroken

I helped bring my grandson into the world and spent every day of his life caring for him for over 3 years. My daughter has a mean streak, but she's a good person inside. She met a guy off the Internet. He cared nothing about the baby. Only to get them away, he did! In two months he had her gone! I never see my grandson anymore. It's worse than death! Every day I worry, cry, feel empty. Although I have found some peace with my other children, this has hurt all of us and mostly my grandson. Whenever she came back to get him when he stayed overnight, he would sob, beg, and plead -- "No go, mama! Please, grama, I stay here!" I love him so much! I love her too! I pray they come home someday, but now the guy has full control. And she's pregnant! Bad situation. Grandson's father is not involved at all. I always try to send a message to let her know I love them. No matter what!
—Guest sheryl meissner

All I Can Do Is Hope....

Long story made short. My daughter signed over rights to my grandson's dad. He died. Stepmom adopted him. They moved out of state. She does keep us in the loop, and we have visitation when we travel to that state. Recently we went to see him and she criticized every little thing I did with him. On our next visit to the state, I will have limited visitation. I appreciate everything she does for him, but it tears me up that she can say in a minute that I can't see him anymore. I understand I no longer have grandparents' rights, but it just frustrates me. She contacts me, and I feel so criticized and then worry I won't see him again.

Success Story

Hi, there I would like to share my success story of being an estranged grandma. Mine involved a conflict with my daughter nearly 3 years ago now. I ended up taking my daughter and son-in-law to court and won. I would love to set up a meeting group to help all grandmas who are going through this dreadful experience. Please feel free to contact me.
—Guest amawilliams@gmail.com

Cut Out Over a Lawnmower

Our son-in-law has cut us off from seeing our grandkids over a lawnmower. We bought this lawnmower for our home due to a very large lawn, He wanted us to let him use it to make money. We let him use it for one yard, and then he thought it was his. When we would ask for it back so that we could mow our yard, he would tell us, well I don't have time to come home and get it, or I will come over and mow it for you (at dark so it looks bad after he is done). We had finally had enough, so my husband told him to bring it home. He brought it home along with our trailer, our granddaughter's new bed we had just gotten her for her birthday the day before, and everything my husband has made for her in the past. Our son-in-law told us that he didn't need anything that we had and left. Our daughter called and told us that we can't see the kids any more. This is so stupid. We are so angry and hurt. I just don't know what to do. I can't believe my daughter is letting him do this to us.
—Guest leslie

Guest Grandmother

My daughter has three beautiful children. She and her three children (my grandchildren) had lived with me since the youngest, Nicholas, was born in 2005. After I was in a bad accident and my daughter befriended the father of the girl that I hit, my daughter will not permit me to see my grandchildren. My daughter is very evil. She has brainwashed all three of my grandchildren. Also she has taken their savings accounts when she gets low and spends them. I opened savings accounts for all of them after I evicted her from my house. (The grandchildren were not evicted.) She is storming mad because I will not turn the savings accounts control to her. I will not do this. My grandchildren's Christmas presents are still wrapped and unopened in my living room because she is vicious and mean. In March my son and his wife gave me a beautiful grandson whom I do not get to see as much as I would like, only because they live out of state.
—Guest Shirley

My Precious Granddaughter (6 years old)

My grandchild and I bonded the very day we were allowed to meet. I met her when she was 2. Myself and Son were not allowed to be part of her life due to ignorant insecure emotions and nothing more. (Feelings are not facts.) I pray our young parents of these sorry times think long and hard before having children. I say this because, as America can very well see, when young parents break up and there are little human beings involved (through no fault of their own), the children, as we all know, are the first to have sufferings invested in all aspects of their tender beings, resulting in the Merry-Go-Round we see today. When parents are not mature enough and harbor hateful resentments, they breed sad consequences and dysfunctional unhealthy decisions. My grandchild needs my love too. How do I know this? She showed me so.
—Guest Edmy


I have been cut off from my grandchild because I won't allow my young child to be around two drug addicts in the family who have escalated their problems to violence and assaults at family events. The family keeps making excuses for them. My granddaughter was terrorized by the incident, yet when I cut off contact from the relatives causing the problem, my daughter cut off contact with me. The advice "Apologize anyway" probably makes sense in most cases, but wouldn't help in mine. I won't risk my young child's safety because the family continues to enable the addict whose behavior has turned unpredictably violent. I am stunned that my daughter has taken the action she has taken, given that her own child was a victim of this attack. She herself is very young and has been entangled with the addicts, the law and more. I suspect her loyalty comes from substance abuse, not rational decision making. There is no apology to be made for protecting my child from this insanity.
—Guest baffled

Son's Overbearing Wife-Wannabe

They use the children as weapons because there is no way to hurt grandparents other than by banning the grandchildren from them. I hate my son's wife-wannabe so much that I don't want her name in my mouth! She has a screw loose, is abusive mentally, verbally and sometimes physically to my grandson and has been for years! My son has a job that takes him away from home several months out of the year. I may add that she is NOT the mother of my grandson, yet when I call her out on her abuse with my grandson, then there is a big argument and she tries to hide or isolate my grandson from me. (I get along fine with his real mom.) She bullies my grandson behind my son's back. My son doesn't believe me or anyone about the abuse. See, everyone is lying but her! She has called me vulgar names in front of the kids. There is more to the story, of course, but I am seriously considering going to court for visitation / grandparents' rights!
—Guest Dee

At My Wits' End.

I just read a post here that someone here thinks most grandparents think they are entitled to be with their grandchildren. That is not what I have read here. I read the message of grandparents genuinely concerned about their grandchildren. My Own Story. My daughter is 28 and totally irresponsible. She tried to commit suicide when she found out she was pregnant seven years ago. My husband and I have gone almost 100k in debt supporting the two of them because we cannot put an innocent child on the street. I have 10k worth of repairs needed in my home because my daughter thinks a 6 / 7 year old is self sufficient and can do laundry by herself, take mud baths in my Jacuzzi with the jets on, etc. My daughter sleeps until noon. If I am not home to take care of the granddaughter, she has to feed herself. Now my daughter wants to get married and move out, and I know what will follow. No Visitation. I will have to go to court for custody to protect an innocent child.
—Guest Granny K

Angry Daughter

My daughter and her live-in boyfriend (number 4 that my 3-year-old grandson has experienced) have been caught in a lie because I went to their house to pick up my grandson, whom I was babysitting. These two are not responsible. They are both immature, but in their eyes, they are God's gift to this child. They got mad at me for exposing their lies and immediately came and took him from me. This is always threatened when they are upset at me for being honest. I am so sad for my grandson. He doesn't know why he can't visit (other than whatever crap they tell him). I am heartsick. She is stubborn and will put him with any free day care rather than make up with me ... so cruel to her own child.
—Guest Nana

Sad Broken Grandmother

My first grandson KC was taken by the state of NC before he was 2 years old. He has been in their custody for almost 2 years now. Ever since he was born, I would babysit him while my daughter and SIL would go out. Then in Nov of 2013 my daughter had Jovian. I coached her through the birth and changed his first diaper and dressed him. DSS came in and took him, too. My oldest grandson had a extremely high meth level when he was taken. I fought in court and lost, for my mentally disabled daughter (who has been in a mental health hospital) lied and said my husband molested her. So now I will never see my grandsons, and they are facing public adoption. I cry every day and I feel like I am dead on the inside. I love my grandsons with all my heart. Government officials turned their heads and walked away.
—Guest Clara

Given Up

My son married a girl who on my wedding day publicly told me and my guests that she hated me. She didn’t even know me -- had seen me twice before and had never spoken to me. She knew only that my bride was her aunt by adoption. This girl was raised to hate her aunt and then told me she hated me. When my son was dating her, he knew there were problems, but he was brainwashed and turned against my wife and me. His wife and in-laws told my son he is not allowed to see me, nor can we see our granddaughter. My son's wife makes up lies, reconfigures everything people say to her, and is very hateful. She has been extremely controlling, bullying and hateful to people all her life, according to family members. We have asked our son to go to counseling, to work out whatever all this hate is he now has. (We had no hate issues before she came into our lives.) He refused and told us his wife said that our granddaughter is not safe with us and will get hurt. We told him he knows that is wrong, and he agreed.
—Guest Beaten Down


If she loved them, it would be different. She doesn't. She is not capable of the truth. My grandchildren suffer. She lies, cheats, steals, does drugs, multiple partners, and so does her mother. If she loved the children, she would let them go. Let my son have the children. Your brother and sister wear scars from your and your mother's neglect and abuse. Let my grandchildren go. Why harm them in your evil deeds? Do your drugs, have your multiple partners, do your thing, show some dignity! Let the children go! If you will do that now, I will stand for you when you are done as an advocate for you. I will always speak your praise. I will always pray for goodness and mercy. But continue to harm these children as you are doing and I will forever look past you with my compassion and always speak an abundance of truth when I speak your name. These babies have suffered enough.
—Guest Guest Gams

Not Seen My Granddaughter in a Year

Grandchild's mother has moved, and we don't know where. My husband and I could call her; now we can't. That was our only involvement in her life. Now the mother has taken the child out of school, not telling her daddy, and we have no idea where the mother has taken the child. No one will help us. We have no money for an attorney. The mother and granddaughter lived in Plano, and they won't put out an Amber alert .
—Guest janice wright

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Grandparents Denied Contact With Grandchildren Share Their Strategies

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