- It has been one year since I saw my youngest granddaughter, who is now 10, and 4 years since I saw my oldest granddaughter, who is 13. We were so close and enjoyed each other so much. A bad split occurred between my son and his wife, and I was told to stay away. Their relationship was very toxic and not good for the children, but I don't understand why I have been kept from my beautiful granddaughters. Even my daughter-in-law's mother told me to not send the girls anything or phone, etc. My heart is broken. On impulse one day I saw the kids playing in the school grounds, and I asked for permission at the school gate if I could go to see if I could see my granddaughter. I was given permission. When my granddaughter saw me, she had the look of such hate in her on her face and her body language. I told her that I just wanted to see how she had grown and how beautiful I thought she was. I left in tears and knew at that point that I had made a huge mistake. Restraining order to come. Heartbroken!
Estranged From My Son and His Children
- My son married a girl from Shanghai. They have been married for 16 years and have two girls 11 and 13. My husband and I had an argument on the phone when I tried to get together with the grandkids. We told our kids they think more of their friends than us. We have always had a struggle to get to see the grandkids. Now I write emails to my son and also call with no response. What should we do?
- —Guest Sally Franson
Where to Now?
- My son and his girlfriend never married. They have two beautiful little girls. Neither parent is pure devil or pure angel. Alcohol plays a large part in the family dysfunction. I am not a doctor but I would say both are alcoholics. This weekend they have parted ways. She is moving a few blocks from the home he bought that they shared. It's all about the stuff at the moment, and the little ones are heartbroken. He's not mature, and neither is she. They constantly argue about stupid things. She always is yelling, I can't remember a holiday or gathering where she didn't start a fight about something. While he doesn't drink in front of me, you can tell by his ramblings he drinks frequently. She calls the oldest granddaughter a retard and hits her. (She's 6 years old.). She yanks this poor child's arm and drags her places. He gets involved, and she yells more. How do I help? Do I help? What steps can I take to make sure the girls are safe? Thank you for listening.
- My son and daughter-in-law will not allow my husband or I to hold or touch our five-month-old granddaughter. They are using the baby as a punishment. Our daughter-in-law is very controlling and has not been in our house since they got married. My son goes along with her. So all the holidays are on her family's side, and the baby has never been in my house even though I would invite them in the past. This all started slowly after our son got engaged. If the expectations that they have are different from ours, she would cut us off for a while. They will not go for family therapy, but we have to try to cope with this nightmare. They were upset when my husband meant to give her a compliment after she had the baby, but it did not come out right. After he apologized she called him an asshole, and when I wrote a letter to try to reach out to my son, mentioning that we want to be close, it got worse. We tried talking to them to no avail. Ron
- —Guest Rhonda
- Can you guess who Bella is? Yes, my heart next to my Lord. I have not seen her in 11 months, due to a bipolar, atheist husband and my only daughter who is now filled with his poison. I hired a lawyer, who was so honest and told me in Texas, we would probably lose. I just found out my daughter almost died in a crash, and no one even called me. How sad is this. I have always had a relationship with my child. Now due to the father of my grandchild, I cant see Bella. PRAY!
- —Guest eva and bella
- 2012 just after the bells, my little grandson was born. My son and his partner met and lived in London the year before. His partner is from Italy. They decided to come and live with me when the baby was born. I was so happy I provided all I could for them. He was so beautiful. I loved him so much. My son started to manipulate me and use my grandson as a pawn to hurt me. Eventually they moved out without telling me where they lived. After six months of heartache, my son had an accident, and my son's partner had to come and stay. As mothers do, I welcomed them with open arms and supported them once again. A few months later they went to Italy to stay. I went over to see my grandson, and they refused to let me see him. It's been nearly a year now, and my heart's breaking.
- —Guest shirley
We Lost in Court Today
- Today the judge told us he would not grant us any visitation time with our 9-year-old granddaughter. We have been in her life since she took her first breath and have had regular visits with her ever since that day. Our son eventually divorced our granddaughter's mother, and the troubles began. Our son is a mean selfish person, and his ex is remarried and no longer wants anything to do with us. We saved up all the money we possibly could to hire an attorney. 10 days before it was to be decided in court he died. Now our money is gone, our attorney is dead, and we have lost our granddaughter because a judge refused to see the picture albums of the years we spent with our granddaughter because we did not have an attorney. The judge also mentioned that since 1999 he very rarely will allow visitation for grandparents. I don't know how he can live with himself. As my husband and I left the courthouse in tears, our son and his ex left laughing. Where is the justice for good, loving, honest people?
- My son died two years ago. He used to get angry about his girlfriend's attitude to his family. His sister was his best friend. He and his girlfriend split up and he killed himself, and so now I don't see my grandson which breaks my heart, but I also think if there is friction, it's best for the child. I thought the idea of writing letters and keeping them is excellent. I am 65, he is 3 years old, so I'll likely be dead before he's 18, but even if you can‘t post them, it will help you doing some thing you would‘ve done anyway too. One day they will become curious, and it's important to know they were loved. Hopefully they will have a normal family life with a new daddy. Maybe it's better and more stable, much as it hurts, as I may not be around by the time he is 18, but he is part of my son and his mother. I don't think, though, that the law should stop grandparents' access because of the odd unsuitable grandparents because that could be stopped in that situation anyway. You can't restrict all grandparents because some are unfit. Most grandparents can be a real asset to the family.
- —Guest maggie kirkby
Not Allowed to See My Granddaughter
- My daughter betrayed my trust by telling her uncle's girlfriend (baby's mama) something I had said about her. When I confronted her about it, she acted like she was the victim and now ignores me and refuses to allow me to visit with my 3-month-old granddaughter. After everything I have done for my daughter and granddaughter, she treats me like I did something wrong and this is my fault. I'm so depressed and miss my granddaughter more than anything in the world. How can a child turn on a caring, giving parent like that and then use the grandchild as a tool? I am at a loss and don't even know what to do. I feel as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Mine and my daughter's relationship will never be the same regardless, but I haven't even had time to build a bond with my little grandbaby. I am afraid she's going to grow up not really knowing me. Help ... I am at an all time low.
- —Guest Shelly
- 5. Babysitting or providing daycare is not "raising" your offspring's children. In the case of a child attending a nursery, we don't as a society state that the workers are " raising" the children. To "raise" or rear implies that you are instilling your value systems in the child. That is a major line cross, and is you are doing that, immediately stop. Also, it is insulting to say that you are "raising" these children because it implies incompetence (with the exception of abuse or neglect cases) of the parents. 6. Gifts or help with expectations attached are covert debts. Time with grandchildren or allowing you to parent their children is not payment or currency for those debts. If you want to be paid for your " help", or " gift" state it upon transmission. 7. The removal of time is not a punishment in the majority of cases. Turning to the courts to order visitation circumvents and undermines parents. This shows you feel your needs, wants, and influences supercede parental decisions. They don't
- —Guest A Different Perspective
For the Children
- Reading these responses from an educated, outside perspective, I see these things: 1. When your child becomes an adult, familial dynamics take the first dramatic shift. That "child" is no longer under the obey-or-face-consequences paradigm. However, many of you are still subscribing to this under the guise of "respecting elders." 2. When the adult son or daughter finds a spouse, that spouse is not "marrying into" your established family, with you and your spouse as the heads. The two form their own family independent of yours. This is the second dramatic shift. 3. Children are not extensions of parents or possessions. They are their own people from birth. Their roles are to learn and grow, not provide emotional payoff for their parents. The same applies to grandchildren. They are not "yours." They are their own people. A lot of these responses reek of " Baby Doll Syndrome," where the grandparent sees the child as a toy or a means for emotional gratification.
- —Guest Seeking Prespective
When Perfectly Good Children Turn Evil
- I am the mother of 3, two boys and 1 girl. They are all grown now and life sure didn't turn out the way I envisioned it when they were young. My oldest boy, now 41, treats his baby mama in the most evil way; he makes her life miserable by keeping her son, now 9, from her even though she has visitation rights. Due to their continual fighting, I haven't seen my grandson for over 4 years. Now my daughter, who is 26, is doing the same thing to her baby daddy, but she has help: her new husband. They have decided to change my grandson's last name (at the age of 5) without letting his real dad know. We are talking about a man who has never skipped a month of child support. His only crime was definitely was to have a baby with my daughter. So now because I don't think it is morally and legally right to change my grandson's name at 5 years of age, I have been banned from seeing him even though both he and his mother lived with me for 3 years. What recourse do we have as grandparents? I'm so sad.
Estranged Grandparents Needed!
- It is time to demand a change in the laws to protect our grandchildren and our rights. We are looking for people from every state that are willing to help us manage online petitions. I have cried until I don't think I have a tear left, and then I find that the tears are endless. I live in Indiana, and I'm including my email email@example.com In almost every state there has been a bill or attempt to change legislature, but most have been unsuccessful. I really believe that if we band together, it will make the difference.
- —Guest LMB
- My brother passed away on his birthday Aug. 16th. My sister-in-law and one of my sisters (I have 3) cut us three sisters out from the hospital, calling about him, or any information. We don't know why. On that same day I received a letter in the mail from my youngest son telling me he was grieving my loss as he cannot trust me emotionally. I do not know what this means, but I wrote back that if he needed time, I would be here and welcome him with open arms. I apologized for whatever I did or said and told him I loved him very much. I still got to talk to my grandkids over the phone. Then a month later they won't answer my phone calls or texts. I have sent two. So its apparent I am no longer allowed to have any interaction with my grandkids. My heart aches, and I am seeing a therapist and a grief counselor. Oh, did I mention my lazy husband left me, so I divorced him the week before all this happened. My heartache is bad, but I also understand that I too need a sabbatical and must have faith.
- —Guest Kiki
No Fuss Grandma
- Listen, you all need to stop this foolishness. I just turned a grandma, and the mother of my granddaughter is having a hard time because this woman is taking her to court for her child. I am so upset because the poor mother is so unhappy. Why would any woman do this? You had your kids and nobody tried to take them. How would you feel if it were you? Leave these young people and families alone. The babies are not yours, grandma or not. Why would you take the girl to court for her own kid? You are obsessed and emotionally unstable, grandmothers. Let them live in peace and take care of their kids like you all did with yours. Your emotions are out of control. This is not love but an obsession.
- —Guest maria kerr