How I Became a Long-Distance Grandparent
My son has been in the Air Force for 16 years. When my first grandson was born in 1996 in San Antonio, I was living in Georgia. I drove 1000 miles to see him for the first time. Then my granddaughter was born in Guam, and I didn't get to meet her until she was 10 months old. And then they moved to England where they spent the next 7 years! Since then, I sold my house and live fulltime in an RV, and work at the Grand Canyon during the spring and summer months.
At this time, I have two grandsons living in Maryland (and a granddaughter on the way); a grandson in Georgia; and a granddaughter in Tennessee.
How I Reacted And How I Coped
Because my first grandchildren were born so far away from where we lived, it was just never an issue that we expected to see them regularly. But, I still wanted to be in their lives in some way.
In the beginning, I bought my son a phone that could be put on speakerphone, because very young children don't respond well to having a telephone put up to their ear. Whenever I called, my son put the phone on speaker so the kids could hear my voice. It helped them get to know me so I wouldn't be a stranger when we met in person.
Later, I bought a webcam and microphone, and we would connect though Yahoo Messenger. We could see and hear each other. One of my favorite memories is of my grandson on his 7th birthday. I asked him what he wanted for a gift, and he ran away from the camera. When he came back, he had a book with pictures of crystals in it. He was able to show me exactly what he was talking about.
When my grandson was about two years old, I rented a video camera, and videoed myself reading a book to him. I would read the pages, and say his name; and then show the pictures from the book. I mailed the book and the video to him, so he could follow along with the story in the book while he watched the video. My daughter-in-law told me it was one of his favorite videos. And the next time I saw him, he said, "Hey, you're the lady in my movie!"
When I found out that my son was being transferred to Maryland, I looked for a seasonal job in the area. I worked in a campground 100 miles away. I was able to spend my days off every week at his home. My son and his wife were expecting another child, so for the first time I was able to be there when the baby was born.
Now that my oldest grandson is 13, he has a cellphone. I call him once or twice a week just to chat. He tells me about his school and his friends, and I get to hear his voice.
Advice
- If your children don't live right around the corner, there are many ways to stay connected. We get frequent photos by email, and sometimes "chat" with our grandchildren on Facebook.
- Don't pressure your kids to visit you more often--sometimes it is just not possible for them to make the trip.
- Send framed photos of yourself to your grandchildren, and encourage their parents to tell them "this is Granny".
- Don't worry that the grandchildren won't know you. If you call, video conference, and send photos, they will know who you are when they see you.
Susan Adcox, Grandparents Guide, says:
I'm really impressed by Karen's willingness to embrace technology to stay close to her grandchildren. Her hint about using a speakerphone is another reminder that a small adjustment can make a big difference.
Follow Karen Eidson's adventures in RV-living, gluten-free cooking, sewing and grandparenting at FabGrandma.
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