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Reader Stories: Handling Conflict With Adult Children Who Are the Parents of Your Grandchildren


Historian Arnold Toynbee once said that grandparents and grandchildren get along so well because they have a common enemy--the parents. His remark may have been tongue-in-cheek, but certainly grandparents frequently feel that parents make choices that are ill-advised, wrong both for the parents and for the children, who just happen to be the grandchildren of the aforementioned grandparents. How should grandparents handle these situations? Our readers tell their stories of conflict with adult children.

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Conflict Between Son, Boyfriend Puts Grandparent in Quandary

I am feeling stuck in the middle, and I am not sure how to handle this conflict. I want to be a positive role model to my grandchildren, yet am very unsure how to handle this conflict between son and…More

Adult Son Doesn't Pull His Weight

We just had a "talk out," and it did not turn out well. He thinks I want him to suffer like we do. What are the right words to show that we just need to pull equally together?After going to prison at…More

Doing Too Much for an Adult Child Backfires on Grandparents

I am just waiting to figure out what I can do.I want to resolve the conflict between my son and daughter-in-law and my husband and me. I want to be able to see my grandchildren. I do not want to be a…More

Grandmother Decides to Move On

Time went by. I was working fulltime, and so was my husband. One day I drove up, and hubby was cooking dinner. It was quiet, and I went upstairs to talk to my son. When I walked into the room, I caug…More

Efforts to Communicate Fail to Smooth Rough Road

We got in touch with a Dr. Josh Coleman in San Franciso who specializes in this area. We tried all his strategies like reaching out, sending an amends letter, not saying anything, inviting them out …More

Attempting to Protect Grandchildren Proves Disastrous for Grandparents

I called the police and it was turned over to the state police, but because the kids would not tell what happened, they dismissed the case. The boy is living in the home. Dad is not working, getting …More

Grandmother's Trials Topped With Court Experience

I was supposed to be the "Auntie-Mame" youngish MeMe, who had already warned her kids not to expect a normal gramma, the kind who babysat and coddled her grandchildren and even changed diapers! That …More

Custody Case is No-Win for Grandparents

My husband and I are beside ourselves over the custody case for our grandson. The daughter has married the fiance and flipped out because her ex filed for temporary custody. Duh! We saw the photo of …More

Son, Girlfriend Repay Kindness With Discord

I have tried to tell my son and his girlfriend that this never occured. Supposedly their little girl said it did, and we are calling her a liar. My daughter-in-law and son's girlfriend have never car…More

Don't Stop Talking to Adult Children Who Make Bad Choices

This is not really a conflict as much as an ongoing concern. I try to tell my son to think of his son, to remember how it felt when his own dad did things that hurt him, to remember that and to not w…More

Grandmother Caught in No-Win Situation

One day when I was picking up my granddaughter I found a one-year-old outside, unsupervised and crying. I reported the incident. As a result, the director and owner of the daycare (whom I have never …More

Disenfranchised Grandmother Seeks Answers

My daughter physically abuses my granddaughter now and lies to her and says terrible things to her. We have contact through her little friend and I bought her a prepaid phone to keep at her little fr…More

Move to Be Closer to Family Proves Unwise

I hasn't turned out. I'm looking for some good counsel! I have prayed and meditated on the situation, and now I am here trying to get some answers from people who have maybe had a similar situation. …More

Conflict With Daughter Results in Unexpected Challenges and Benefits

At the family group conference it was agreed that her daughter would come into our care for a period of 6 months while my daughter got the treatment she required. My daughter moved to another part of…More

Daughter-in-Law's Jealousy Hurts the Children

I can't tell you how this situation has "turned out" because it is ongoing.It is a very sad and depressing situation, good for no one. I do not wish this situation on anyone.Our daughter-in-law is bi…More

Dealing With Adult Children Requires Love and Rules

As a parent, I often think that if I knew "then" what I know now, I would be a much better parent or, in reality and in an effort to maintain some sense of humor, I might not even BE a parent if I'd …More

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