With high-profile cases such as the Andrea Yates murders, postpartum depression (PPD) in new mothers is a fairly well-known phenomenon. PPD in dads is still off the radar for most people, and that includes grandparents.
A new analysis of relevant studies reveals that about 10 percent of fathers experience paternal postpartum depression (PPPD). That means that PPD is less common among fathers than mothers, but the problem doesn't seem small to those who suffer from it.
"I fell into a well of depression so deep I wasn't even aware of it," recalls Joel Schwartzberg, writing in the April 4, 2009, issue of Newsweek magazine.
"Listlessness and emotional numbness are what I remember," says Mark, who with his wife Diana agreed to be interviewed for this article. Mark, who wished to be identified by his first name only, suffered with PPD after the birth of his son. Diana was the first to notice that he "didn't seem like himself." When wives miss the cues, however, grandparents may be the next closest family members and the next most likely to notice the symptoms of depression.
Fathers are more likely to experience paternal PPD when their wives are suffering. Both parents are more likely to experience depression between the third and sixth months. That doesn't mean that earlier difficulty can't occur. Both Schwartzberg and Mark experienced symptoms much earlier.
Paternal and maternal PPD share some of the same triggers. In both genders fatigue may combine with financial worries to create a feeling of being overwhelmed. Many parents feel guilty because they are not experiencing the delight that our culture associates with becoming parents.
Paternal PPD is a serious matter because it can delay bonding with the newborn. It can also be tough on a marriage. Women, who have done the "heavy lifting" of pregnancy and delivery, may not be totally sympathetic to a husband's feelings.
Schwartzberg's marriage "took a fatal hit," after he carried out parental duties with "sucked-up reluctance on the outside and contempt on the inside." His wife complained that she was having to parent her husband as well as her son.
Diana, on the other hand, found ways to help her husband through his PPD.
She offers these suggestions for other wives:
- Read about PPPD and share the articles with your husband.
- Come up with a system for handling chores.
- Try to maintain a sense of normalcy.
- Allow some time for your husband to unwind and do what he wants to do.
- Assess his emotional state about once a week.
For Diana, the remedy involved such simple strategies as greeting her husband with a slice of cheese toast when he returned home from working his night shift.
Both parents may struggle with the realization that their lives have been irrevocably changed. Certain pleasures of their old lives are gone, for what may seem like forever. Sleeping late, uninterrupted movie-watching, many kinds of travel that couples have enjoyed have become rare treats instead of readily accessible pleasures.
Grandparents can help in this area, by agreeing to babysit so that couples can occasionally sample these indulgences.
Paternal depression may go undetected and untreated longer than maternal depression. New mothers typically see their obstetricians for postpartum care, and many of them have forged a good relationship with their doctors during their pregnancies and may feel comfortable confiding with them. New fathers, on the other hand, may not see doctors regularly. Also, many men are not comfortable talking about their feelings. A father may not even confide in his own parents.
Mark discussed his feelings only with his wife, saying, "I'm somewhat of a private person."
Most of those suffering from PPPD will recover without intervention. Mark says, "It passes with time."
A few fathers will need counseling, medication or other treatment.
Mark says that PPPD sufferers should not feel ashamed because it could happen to anyone.
"It doesn't mean you are less of a person," he said.
Read more about the symptoms and treatment for postpartum depression.
