Why Maternal Grandparents Tend to Be Closer to Grandkids Than Paternal

When it comes to a grandparent's relationship with their grandchildren, no connections are created equal. However, interestingly enough, research has shown that typically maternal grandparents are closer to grandchildren than paternal grandparents—though, of course, there's no hard and fast rule.

Here, we'll take a look at the differences between a child's relationship with their maternal vs. paternal grandparents, and what scientific studies can tell us about the differences between the two.

Maternal vs. Paternal Grandparents: Differences in Closeness

Some people may assume this difference is due to parents' role as gatekeepers between grandparents and parents. In spite of strides in gender equality, mothers in heterosexual relationships with cis men are still likely to direct their children's activities and take on the brunt of the emotional labor and household management . They may give heightened importance to contact with their own parents.

Of course, studies have identified many other factors that affect the closeness of a relationship. Geographical distance is one consideration, although many grandparents are willing to travel to see their grandchildren. A grandparent's employment status, health, economic status, and personality can also be influential factors.

The Role of Early Bonding With Grandparents

The preference for maternal grandparents may start early, with maternal grandmothers anecdotally being more likely to be invited into the delivery room. Similarly, the maternal grandmother is more likely to help out after the birth of a baby, facilitating early bonding with the grandchild.

Similarly, research has shown the importance of a grandparent's involvement when it comes to maternal mental health. One study determined that grandparental support may protect birthing people from experiencing postpartum depression, especially those who are single parents. Postpartum depression is something that can affect anyone, and does impact approximately 1 in 8 birthing people. Having a support system from a grandparent can help with feelings of overwhelm or loneliness.

Teenagers' Relationships With Grandparents

Studies featuring teens show that the advantage of the maternal grandmother does not dissipate with time. Studies of teen grandchildren are especially valuable, because teens are presumably old enough to initiate some contact with grandparents on their own, and because they are old enough to draw competent conclusions about relationships.

In one study of British teens, the maternal grandmother was the most important family member outside of their immediate family. The maternal grandfather was next in ranking. Closeness was fostered, according to the teens, by involvement in their school lives. In addition, 8 out of 10 teens said that their maternal grandmothers had discussed their futures with them and had given the teens good advice.

Maternal vs. Paternal Grandparents and Divorce

The roles of maternal and paternal grandparents tend to diverge more widely when the parents of their grandchildren divorce. In spite of advances in gender equality, only 17.5% of fathers have primary custody after a divorce. When a mother wins custody in a heterosexual relationship, the maternal grandparents often step in to fill gaps in parenting and to provide stability to the family.

In the process, the maternal grandparents tend to become closer to their grandchildren. This may also occur with paternal grandparents when the father gets custody, but that is a comparatively less common event.

When the mother wins custody after a divorce, paternal grandparents tend to see their grandchildren less. They may, however, play an important role in facilitating contact between children and their paternal families.

Grandparents and Multigenerational Living

The preference for maternal grandparents isn't so clear when it comes to multigenerational living. If young people share households with their parents, cultural factors are likely to determine whether they will move in with maternal or paternal grandparents.

Of course, other considerations such as location and economics may override cultural patterns. Ethnic and religious cultures with strong familial ties comprise a greater proportion multigenerational homes.

The Bottom Line

Needless to say, the effort put forth by a grandparent is always going to be the biggest factor in whether grandparents and grandchildren have a close relationship. Grandparents who want to be involved in the lives of their grandchildren and yet who manage to be respectful of parental roles have the highest likelihood of success. And this is true regardless of their position on the family tree.