What’s a grandparent to think about gender differences? For many years no one questioned that significant differences existed between male and female. Little girls were sugar and spice. . . you know the rest. Then along came the cultural upheaval of the 60s, and a lot of people said that gender differences were largely created by culture rather than being tied to X and Y chromosomes.
The pendulum appears to have swung back the other way with the publication of a number of books and research studies that show differences between boys and girls, other than the obvious physical one.
Still, cultural pressures are clearly at work. Parents are more likely to respond positively to behavior that is gender-appropriate, and that approval naturally reinforces certain behaviors. Even researchers have to be careful about gender bias in reporting results.
Here’s a short recap of some differences in babies and toddlers that have been noticed by researchers. Needless to say, these are generalities that will not be true of all individuals. Most of these conclusions are supported by multiple studies, so no specific citations will be given.
Boys are:
- On average, taller, bigger, and with larger heads
- More physical and rambunctious
- Better at gross motor skills (after walking about the same time as girls)
- More like to take risks
- More likely to visit the emergency room
- More likely to be diagnosed or misdiagnosed with an attention deficit or hyperactivity disorder
- More likely to be considered unruly and to be labeled with a conduct disorder
- More interested in mechanical movement
- Less acute of hearing, especially in the frequencies of human speech
- Slower to talk and to build vocabulary
Girls are:
- More likely to hold eye contact
- More adept at anything requiring fine motor skills
- More interested in human faces and more likely to imitate other humans
- More compliant with adults
- Earlier to understand speech
- Better at understanding non-verbal cues
- Earlier talkers, although boys catch up around age 2 ½
- More fearful
Along with these fairly important differences are a couple of interesting ones: Girls are more likely to use a variety of colors in their artwork, while boys are often happy with neutrals. Also, boys may be team players from the very beginning. When looking at pictures of people, boys prefer group pictures to individual ones.
The bottom line is that understanding gender differences can make you a better grandparent. You’ll be more tolerant when your grandson acts as if he didn’t hear you—he probably didn’t—and more understanding when your granddaughter is frightened of the toilet flushing.
On the other hand, rowdy granddaughters and sedate grandsons are well within normal gender variations and are no cause for worry. The best grandparenting practices focus on grandchildren as individuals, but the chances are that you knew that already, because your heart told you.
Read about gender differences in school-age children.
