The mega-packed schedules of my children and grandchildren make my head spin. It's no wonder that we have a new expression: time-poor parents.
Who Is Time-Poor?
A 2011 Gallup poll asked Americans, "Did you have enough time to get done what you needed to do yesterday?" Among working adults, 28% said no, with the highest "no" answers coming from women, those with children in the household and those aged 30-49 -- in other words, the parents of our grandchildren.
Gallup also reported that those with higher incomes and more education were more likely to feel time-poor. It's possible that these groups have higher expectations for themselves and their families and are therefore more likely to feel time pressure. Ever-expanding choices about how to spend time also increase the stress associated with making choices.
What Should Grandparents Do?
I have advised grandparents against bailing out adult children when they run short of money, because it prevents them from learning from poor decisions.
Do we run the same risk when we bail out our adult children who make bad choices about time?
To me, it isn't quite the same thing, because time is such a finite and fleeting thing. If I can do something to enable my children to spend more quality time with their families, I think that is worthwhile. If, on the other hand, they spend the time they gain by binge-watching junk TV, I will be less likely to help out next time.
How to Help
- With Child Care: Although we know that time spent with children is precious, parents often function better with their children if they occasionally get a break from them. Grandparents should not, however, return the grandchildren tired, dirty and sugared-up. That's not being a good grandparent babysitter.
- In Times of Special Stress: Grandparents can help with housework, errands and other chores, as well as with child care, when parents are especially stressed. Dealing with crunch time at work or trying to complete a home improvement project can push time-poor parents over the edge. And it goes without saying that grandparents should help out when a parent is ill. Also most grandparents are thrilled to help out when a new grandchild is born. Just be sure to back away when the pressure eases, so that parents can reclaim their lives and their responsibilities.
- With School Assignments: When parents come home from a demanding job, helping with homework may be the last thing they want to do. For grandparents, however, helping with school assignments can have a double payoff: We get to bond with our grandchildren, and our brain fitness gets a boost. With so many ways to communicate, such as Skype or Facetime, even long-distance grandparents may be able to help occasionally. And, of course, there are other ways to help your grandchildren succeed in school. Just talking to grandchildren beginning at an early age boosts their learning.
- By Teaching Useful Skills: A child who knows how to fold towels or scramble eggs can make a real contribution to a household. Often, however, time-poor parents fail to teach such skills, on the premise that it's faster to do things oneself. Teaching skills is one of the four really crucial things that grandparents can do for grandchildren, and it's something that can be a boon for parents, too.
A Time-Rich Future?
Perhaps in the future labor-saving devices will live up to their name and workers will get the 15-hour work week that John Maynard Keynes predicted back in 1930. I don't think that's too likely. I do hope that things change enough that the phrase "time-poor parents" passes from our vocabulary. Until that time -- grandparents can help.