Most grandparents find that being with their grandchildren is sometimes exhausting. For grandparents with disabilities, the difficulties are exacerbated. Proper diet, appropriate exercise and lots of rest are helpful, but keeping a good mental attitude is of paramount importance. Grandparents with a wide range of disabilities shared these helpful hints.
Handling Fatigue
For most grandparents with disabilities, fatigue is a major problem. Different disabilities call for different methods of handling low energy levels, but resting when tired is the first line of defense. Harvey Wells, who has end stage renal disease, which requires dialysis, says that it’s important to know one’s limits. “I sometimes think I can do more than I’m physically able, but for the most part, I know my limits,” Wells said. “When I need my time, I take it.” Bob O’Neill, a stroke survivor, says that he conserves his energy in order to spend time with his grandson. Sylvia Peltier’s rheumatic arthritis results in constant fatigue and flu-like symptoms. When her grandchildren visit, she increases her medication, with the consent of her doctor, so that she can function without too much pain. “Of course, I usually crash when they leave,” Peltier said, “but it’s all worth it!”
In spite of their best efforts, disabled grandparents aren’t always at their best when their grandchildren visit. Shelley Dann, who has lost both her legs and is unable to use prosthetics, recalls a visit from her family. She had fallen from her wheelchair, striking her head. “Believe me, I was not happy and wasn’t in the best mood,” Dann said. “I apologized to them for not being fun and got the normal response.” Dann described her grandchildren’s response as being, “It’s okay, Nana. Next time we’ll have more fun.” Dann describes herself as “the luckiest grandparent ever” because her four grandchildren “understand and accept me for me.” Wells has experienced similar cooperation from his grandchildren. “I don’t want to be the grumpy grandpa,” Wells said. “If I’m getting that way, I tell the kids it’s time for me to nap, and they are great with that. I’ve never been awakened from my nap by them being too loud.”
Diet and Exercise
Almost all grandparents sometimes feel guilty for not taking better care of themselves, and grandparents with physical limitations are just the same. “I should exercise more,” Dann said. “I find when I do upper body exercise, I can do more. “ Water exercise is excellent for many types of physical limitations. Joe Neary, who has multiple sclerosis, lists physical therapy and swimming as beneficial for his condition. Peltier enjoys swimming at her local pool and also is able to exercise in a hot tub by using a chair that lowers her into the water. The key is, as Wells says, “Just try and stay active.” On the food front, some disabled grandparents have experimented with various diets. Peltier maintained a macrobiotic diet for two years, but admits, “It is a very difficult diet to maintain.” She drinks the juices of organic vegetables and uses various supplements and health foods.
Mental Attitude
Most grandparents with disabilities point out the importance of a positive mental attitude. "Attitude is 99% or maybe even 100%,” Wells said. Peltier agrees. “Every trial that one faces in life can make one bitter or better,” she said, adding, “The situations that upset us the most often turn out to be our biggest blessings.” Peltier cites “people who have everything and are still miserable” as examples of the importance of attitude. “I meet others who have no one and live in a nursing home with three roommates that they don’t always even like, “ she said. “As we visit, they smile and tell me how lucky they are to have such wonderful meals and nursing care. I try to be like those heroes.”
Another reality is that no one can keep a positive attitude all the time. O’Neill recalls a deal he and his wife agreed upon right after his stroke. He could feel sorry for himself, but not for more than 24 hours. He is able to get over feeling sorry for himself by thinking of those who have worse problems. He also credits “good friends and a good wife” for helping him cope.
Support Groups
Although most grandparents with disabilities credit their families as being their greatest support group, some belong to other support groups, which are especially useful when family members live far away. Neary facilitates a support group, and Peltier started one for those interested in finding alternative medicines for rheumatoid arthritis. The group met for about a year. Wells belongs to a different type of support group, an online community for those who do daily home dialysis. “It’s very helpful in learning some technical tricks and dealing with some emotional issues,” Wells said.
Grandkids Can Help!
Of all the strategies that grandparents have tried, grandchild therapy may be the most effective. “I have my down days, but the little ones keep me going,” Dann said. “I know if I call and hear their voices, I will be fine.” O’Neill says that his grandson Robbie gives him a reason to get up in the morning. “Anyone with any type of disability, if they have the opportunity to be around young people, it’s a good thing,” he said, adding, “It’s also good for people without disability.”
