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A Reader Asks: Should I Allow My Friends to Give Me a Grandma Shower?

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A Reader Asks: Should I Allow My Friends to Give Me a Grandma Shower?

Showers can be great fun for mothers and grandmothers.

Photo © Barry Austin / Getty Images
Question: A Reader Asks: Should I Allow My Friends to Give Me a Grandma Shower?
I am going to become a grandmother in two months, and my friends want to throw a grandma shower for me. I've looked forward to being a grandmother for a very long time, and my friends know that. When I mentioned the shower to the mother-to-be, my daughter-in-law, I could tell that she wasn't fully on board, although she didn't say much. Should I pass up the chance to celebrate with my friends, or should I go through with our plans even if the daughter-in-law doesn't approve? (via email)
Answer:

Becoming a grandmother is such a momentous occasion that it deserves to be celebrated with your friends. No celebration, however, is worth damaging your relationship with your daughter-in-law, who will hold the keys to your grandchild, so to speak. First, ask yourself these questions:

  • Is a baby shower planned for my daughter-in-law? If the answer is no, you should not go ahead with plans for your own celebration.
  • Was my daughter-in-law waiting to be invited to the grandma shower? Some shower-givers include the expectant mother and some do not. It depends upon exactly what type of party is planned. If your daughter-in-law is nearby and in a situation where she could attend, consider asking your friends to include her.
  • What kind of relationship do I have with my daughter-in-law? If you haven't yet mastered the delicate art of being a good mother-in-law, tread carefully.

Much also depends upon what type of event is planned. A group of girlfriends going out to lunch and gifting you with small grandmother trinkets is probably the type of celebration that is least likely to offend. A grandma shower that mimics a regular baby shower is probably the most likely to cause problems. You should steer your friends away from that approach.

Another concern is who gets the presents. Many times grandma showers involve personal gifts for the grandmother, such as photo frames and items personalized with the chosen grandmother name. That type of gift is also unlikely to cause problems. Some grandma showers, however, involve gifts for the baby. Sometimes the items are intended for the grandparents' house, and sometimes they are intended to be passed on to the parents. You will be better able to make a decision about your grandma shower if you know what type of gifts will be given. Your friends will surely understand your need to know this important detail.

See more FAQs about grandmother showers.

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