Secrets of a Jewish Mother

Do you have to know every single thing about every single thing? Are you a natural matchmaker? Do you read medical journals in your spare time? If you answer these questions in the affirmative, you just may be a Jewish mother (or grandmother) no matter what your religion. Subtitled "Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love," Secrets of a Jewish Mother contains helpful hints for those not born into the fold. TV personality Jill Zarin and her mother and sister collaborate to demonstrate just how a Jewish mother deals with everyday life, with its blessings and crises.

When one of my Jewish friends saw this book at my house, she said, "Secrets of a Jewish Mother? You don't need to read the book. You just need to know one word. Guilt!"

Interestingly, guilt doesn't loom very large in this lively volume written by a mother and two daughters. Jill Zarin is one of the stars of The Real Housewives of New York. Her sister Lisa Wexler hosts a daily radio program, and the grandmother and matriarch of the family, Gloria Kamen, has a budding online career.

The trio tackles one topic after another, each weighing in with advice and personal stories. Sometimes the three disagree, but always in a respectful and loving way. If you're looking for a reality TV catfight, you won't find it here.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I have never watched an episode of The Real Housewives of New York. I came to this book with a blank slate. As such, I enjoyed the humor and the window into Jewish culture, and I found most of the advice sound. Someone who knows these admittedly strong personalities through their media work may be more critical.

Some may also find some of the values reflected in the book a bit superficial. The chapter on beauty and health, for example, is much more about beauty than health, with Botox and plastic surgery rating more space than exercise.

On the other hand, I found a lot to like in the book. Here are some tidbits:

• Even a Jewish mother cannot keep her children from romantic heartache. "She can be there, but she cannot fix it. She does not try to fix it. However, she will make the food."
• Education is important to Jewish people because it can't be taken away. "The importance of learning is repeated constantly like a mantra . . .'Education, education, education.' (Yes, this sounds like that other mantra 'Location, location, location,' which is also repeated in Jewish households, but only after you have your degree.)"
• Older family members shouldn't wait until they are dead to give away some things. Gloria talks about how she enjoys seeing her daughters wear her pearls and use some of her nice things. "There are no luggage racks on the hearse."
• "Sit on the bed." In the hullabaloo of modern life, parents often don't seem available to their children. Parents should find some time every day to go into their kid's room and sit on the bed. They should take a magazine and calmly wait for the child to begin a conversation. By the way, this strategy works for grandmothers, too.

Two more things I liked about the book: the chapter on Jewish superstitions and the Yiddish glossary. Thanks to the glossary, I can now observe that every family has its times to kvetch and its times to kvell, its times to cry "Oy vey!" and its occasions to exclaim "Masel tov!" Supporting each other during good and bad is what families, whether Jewish or not, are all about.

Learn more about Jill, Lisa and Gloria by visiting the Secrets of a Jewish Mother website.

Disclosure: A review copy was provided by the publisher. For more information, please see our Ethics Policy.