8 Things Grandparents Would Like to Say to Parents

By Susan Adcox

Grandparents Expert

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... And Why We Won't Actually Say Them

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KeepingQuiet_PhotoAlto_Eric_Audras.jpg - PhotoAlto/Eric Audras | Getty

Grandparents can remind each other when it's best to be quiet. Photo Credit: PhotoAlto/Eric Audras | Getty

Updated February 05, 2015.

If you're a grandparent, I'm not advising you to actually say these things to the parents of your grandchildren. You might be able to get by with one or two of them, especially if you phrase them very diplomatically. But mostly it may help just to know that other grandparents share your feelings and frustrations.

If you're a parent and you happen across this page, remember that what sometimes feels like criticism is motivated by love and by the desire for all family members to live happier, healthier, less stressed lives.

Next: Things are not the thing.

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2 of 10

Your Kids Don't Need More Things.

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TooManyToys_ThanasisZovoilis.jpg - Thanasis Zovoilis | Getty

Parents -- and grandparents -- do kids no favors when they buy too many toys. Photo Credit: Thanasis Zovoilis | Getty

I know that every place that you take the children has toys for sale, but don't be afraid to say no. Saying no makes it more special when you say yes. Also, every time that you say yes, you have another item to bring home that will just contribute to the clutter in your life, and in the lives of your kids. Clutter creates stress. Reduce it by concentrating on what your kids really need, most of which can't be bought in a store.

Related: Do Grandparents Have the Right to Spoil?

Next: It's about time.

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Spend Your Time on Things That Really Matter.

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Rather than having things perfect, kids like to be able to make a little mess. Photo Credit: Igor Emmerich | Getty

If something is a huge time suck, ask yourself if it's really important to your child. If you are doing it to impress your peers, or because other parents do it, or because it's meeting some need of your own, don't fool yourself into thinking you are doing it for your child. Kids don't really need Pinterest-perfect birthday parties or immaculately decorated rooms. They need for you to listen to them, have fun with them and let them be their messy, creative, individualistic selves.

Related: The Importance of Free Play

Next: Step away from your screens.

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Control Your Screen Time.

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Parents should strive for time with their children when they aren't distracted by screens. Photo Credit: PhotoAlto/Sandro Di Carlo Darsa | Brand X | Getty Images

You can't blame your children for being addicted to their screens if you can't go ten minutes without looking at your phone. Checking screens constantly is a habit, and it can be broken like other habits. Try leaving your phone inside when you go outside, or leaving it in the car when you take the kids to the playground. Set certain times for the whole family to be screen free. From dinnertime until the kids' bedtime is a nice time to have a break from your virtual worlds.

Related: How to Manage Grandchildren and Electronic Media

Next: Sit down and eat.

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Have Dinner With the Kids More Often.

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Preparing Food as a Family - Sylvain Sonnet | Photographer's Choice RF | Getty Images

Cooking and eating with the kids is an important part of a parent's job. Photo Credit: Sylvain Sonnet | Photographer's Choice RF | Getty Images

Children who regularly have dinner with family members earn higher grades and indulge in less risky behavior. Chances are that they are getting more nutritious meals, too. Dinner is a great time to catch up with what's going on with each member of the family. If you can't have dinner together most nights, it's possible that the kids are over-scheduled. Think about cutting back on their activities.

Related: Create Family Traditions With Your Grandchildren

Next: Keep it real.

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Feed Your Kids Real Food.

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RealFood_EricAudras.jpg - Eric Audras | Getty Images

Simple foods, simply prepared, are best for children. Photo Credit: Eric Audras | Getty Images

Grandparents like to see children fed real meals, at regular times, rather than seeing kids snacking and grazing. Still, we're willing to concede that point if the kids are getting real food. We believe that children who are started out with simple foods, simply prepared, including lots of fruits and vegetables, are less likely to crave junk. Still, we know this is a tough battle. We struggle with it, too.

Related: When a Grandchild Is a Picky Eater

Next: Don't spend and stress.

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Examine Your Spending.

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Spending_JGI_Jamie-Grill.jpg - JGI/Jamie-Grill | Getty Images

Parents who are worried about bills often are not attentive parents. Photo Credit: JGI/Jamie-Grill | Getty Images

Are you buying things because you really need them? Or are you seeing something you want and rationalizing a need for it? Cut down on impulse spending by waiting 24 hours before you buy a small item, longer for big ticket items. Much of the time the impulse to spend will pass. Parents who are worried about bills don't make the best parents. Also, you have college to pay for. And grandparents are more likely to help pay for college if you've done your part, too.

Related: 3 Money Mistakes Grandparents Make With Adult Children

Next: Let the kids do it.

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Don't Be Helicopter Parents.

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Kids who experience success through struggle feel rightly proud of themselves. Photo Credit: Blend Images - Kidstock | Brand X | Getty Images

It's essential that kids learn to do things for themselves, and it's hard for them to do that if you are always hovering. A school project that looks professionally produced doesn't fool anyone. Kids need to be able to accomplish things on their own, even if the results aren't perfect. (They won't be.) Kids also need to experience disappointment and failure. That way, when they prevail, they'll experience the true sweetness of success.